Just Jack

Part Two: Chapter Seventeen: Just Looking Back

Chapter Seventeen

Just Looking Back

     Everywhere I look, I see her. She's standing in the forest, waiting for me to kiss her. She's outside my school, searching for me. She's on the beach, holding my hand in hers. No matter how hard I try to forget, the memories I used to hold onto, the ones so precious to me, creep back to the surface of my mind and there I am – thinking of her once more. Her hair as it flows in the wind. Her eyes as they glisten against the sun. Her lips, though chapped and dry, still so kissable. Will I ever look into her eyes again? Will my lips ever meet hers? Will I ever get to tell her how much I love her? Everywhere I look, I see Emily but, I know she is not there. So I remember her. As much as it hurts to.

     I'm walking through the forest when I let the memories take control. It is a little after six in the evening and Chris has called me into town for coffee. I'm walking as slow as I can through this wet land, dreading arriving to my destination. I shiver as a cold wind blows – even the trees shake. I can almost hear their branches twisting in the breeze, moaning and stretching. This is supposed to be summer. I zip up my jacket as far it can go and slide my hands into my jackets pockets as a drizzle of rain begins to fall. I stray away from the centre of the path so the trees give me some shelter.

     It is here, not even a year ago, that I kissed Emily for the first time. My stomach tightens, but I remain in control. For a moment, I feel her lips against mine. Its so vivid that I can almost taste her lip balm. The thought of her hands running along my chest forces me to close my eyes and fall into the moment, the memory. It was as perfect as any first kiss could be and it was with the only person I could ever want to give such an honor to. She was the girl who gave me butterflies. The girl, who I think I could have loved forever. And then she became the girl who left me. Left me with only memories.

     It was a little over six months ago. It doesn't sound like such a long period of time, yet so much can change in the space of it. I had just been informed of my moms illness and I had ran away, like I always seem to do when times get tough. I had ran to the only place I knew I could be safe, at least safe enough to think – in peace if anything. There, in Emily's hospital room, I had found Skylar. I had broken down beside Emily's bed as she laid in her comatose state, and Skylar had been there to pick me up. It was impulsive, the kiss. It just happened, and it was not planned. Neither was Emily's sudden and seemingly miraculous recovery.

     “Jack!” Emily exclaimed. I looked to Skylar first, guilty and confused at the same time. Skylar immediately left the room for assistance, I on the other hand, immediately took place beside Emily's side. I looked into her eyes, the eyes that could convince me to do anything their beholder wished, and she had looked into mine too. I could only hope that she had not witnessed the kiss, the stupid meaningless kiss with Skylar. Such a shame it would be to lose everything me and Emily had over an act of desperation.

     “Emily,” I had said, through sobs of joy. “You're awake!” I took my hand and ran it through her hair. She half smiled, maybe confused a little, but that was to be expected. At least, thats what I had expected. Confusion. Not anger, which it later turned out to be. Instinctively, like it was the right moment or the right thing to do, I had kissed her. She did not kiss back and I guess I should have taken that as confirmation. She was not happy. Yet, I held onto hope. It was the only thing I had. She sat up in her bed, slowly. It was weird, seeing her up and awake. I knew it was odd to think I had somehow gotten used to seeing her in a coma. Maybe I was just afraid of what would happen if she ever woke up. I never could have anticipated what was destined to happen.