Diane Young [Camp NaNoWriMo July 2014]

Diane Young [23]

23

There were pages of it.

Ellie's innermost thoughts and feelings. She wrote everything that happened to her in it, from the insignificant toast she had for breakfast to the crushes she had before she met Tiffany.

Then I got to the last pages.

Ellie wrote something for each of us, like a last thoughts thing. She did her parents first, and they got three pages each, detailing how much she's sorry and how much she loved them. Then she spoke about people from her school that I didn't have the pleasure of knowing and then she spoke about Tiffany and Elijah, and then lastly me. I didn't read Tiffany's because it wasn't really meant for my eyes. I read Elijah's because I was nosy, and of course, I read mine.

'And I know I love Tiffany. Nobody can tell me that since I'm just eighteen, I can't know what love is. I know what it is and I've felt it with her.

I love her. And she loved me. Hopefully. Now that I'm gone, she won't ever get to see me in the flesh and I can't fell you how much that actually kills me inside.

I'm sorry, Tiffany.'

'Duke you are a bomb ass chameleon that has got to stop licking my ear. After this, you might have to stop because it'd be a taboo to do that to a dead person. But there is love for you Duke. Much love.'

'What can I say about Elijah West?

I had this major crush on him during freshman year. He was so damn quirky and cool and free and screw it, he's hotter than the sun in England. I hung on almost his every word, attended any party or other social gathering he said he'd go to, dressed like him for a bit, but then all of that didn't really work. I was so convinced we'd get married and live in a house in Montana because he's the type to do that. But then Elijah West told me randomly that if he ever liked a girl, he'd know and tell her from the onset. And he didn't tell me that, so it crushed my heart.

I think he knew I had the biggest crush on him. And it honestly didn't help that he did because he didn't discourage or encourage me, he let me get away with my thoughts and feelings. For months after he dropped that he didn't like me in that way, I hated him. But I honestly cherish his friendship a lot.

Elijah is a complex human that has had a lot of positive experiences that has made him very cocky, slightly cynical but extremely loveable. If he met Diane, they'd either get on like a house on fire or clash in the worst of ways. I could imagine him telling her from the onset that he likes her and for a week or two I really hated them and was so jealous. The worst thing was I could imagine them together talking about me or music or Elijah himself. Because he was the type to do that with his girlfriend.

All of that aside, I love him, and though it may now be platonically, he was my first 'true love'. And that's got to count for something, even if he wasn't the one for me.'

'Diane Young.

What can I say about Diane Anastasia Jenette Young?

Well first of all, she has too many middle names (six? What the hell) , while most people I know only have one. She's been my best friend since I was thirteen. I remember when I first freaked her out. She didn't want to admit it but I knew it and I know that she knew I knew. Diane was - and still is - so intelligent.

If I could write a list of things I enjoyed about Diane's company, it honestly wouldn't be that long. I hated the fact she reminded me of my past, but then she also reminded me of how to overcome my past. And I pushed her away these last few months because if I saw her too regularly (every day for example) I'd end up telling her what I was thinking and she'd change my mind so quickly.

She has a way with comforting or persuading people that she doesn't use often. It's like how one of those preppy girls in school would convince a jock to publicly humiliate someone. Though I wouldn't tell her that, it'd get to her head.

She once described me as a white dwarf star. Small but extremely hot headed and in love with the colours purple and blue. What is that even supposed to mean? I wasn't sure if it was a compliment or not.

See, Diane was smart like that. She'd come up with small things that would boost your day and she wouldn't even realise it. She was so special, more so than most of the people I knew in life and I value her so much. She knows me, inside and out, she knows what makes me tick tock and she forever will.

Diane Anastasia Jenette and four more other middle names is truly my best friend.

Diane, if you're reading this (because you deserve to be reading this), I'm sorry I didn't tell you so many things. I didn't tell you about Tiffany, I didn't tell you about my jealously of your height or the fact I stole your Arctic Monkey shirt and then ended up accidentally bleaching it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you they were bullying me again, I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I've been cutting, but on my legs now, not my arms.

I'm so sorry I didn't tell you what I was feeling. I feel like if I told you Diane, you'd change my mind. And I didn't want you to change my mind, I wanted to be free from your charming ways and to be able to decide for myself. It was time Diane, it is my time.

And even though it took me a while to get what your name is a pun for, I hope you do not die young like I have hopefully done and I hope you live at least five times the amount I did for you are a brilliant person and you deserve the best. And I know your eulogy was brilliant. It shook me in my coffin and I shouldn't be making jokes like this.

I love you, probably more than life itself considering life itself means hardly anything to me any more.'

'Elizabeth Charlotte Winters is signing out from life.'

"Oh Ellie, you idiot." I said out loud. "You stupid idiotic harebrained fool."

But my stomach had this crazy sensation that made me feel lifted up and free. A weight was lifted off my shoulders and I felt like the world had been taken off my back and I was no more like the Titan Atlas because everything felt okay.

Everything was okay.

FIN.