Diane Young [Camp NaNoWriMo July 2014]

Diane Young [18]

18

Tiffany is trying out some strawberries on graham crackers. I think she's more scared by the fact the strawberries are cut up into weird shapes on top of the cracker and I've been wolfing them down as if I haven't eaten for years.

"Are you sure these are okay?" She said, wearily. I nodded.

"Try it, you'll love the combination." I coaxed. She took a big gulp before biting down on the delightful creation.

"Oh! It's good." For some strange reason, she sounded surprised. 

"What did I say?" She grinned at me and quickly finished it off.

We were sitting in the middle of the park on a blanket, talking and eating crackers. Well, I was watching the kids on the playground while Tiffany spoke about nearly everything. It was a nice sunny day and I wondered when summer would end.

"So Diane, how did you actually know Ellie?" She said out of nowhere.

"Huh? Oh, erm, the depression group? I sat next to her and she said hello." I shrugged. "Then she asked me a bunch of questions and then we were friends."

The memory was slightly vague, but I was still happy I could remember at least some of what happened that fateful day. "What about you?"

"We sat next to each other in our trigonometry class and we clicked like a light switch."

"She used to love maths."

Tiffany shook her head. "I have no damn clue why. She was such a weirdo." We chuckled lightly. "I miss her though."

"Same." I bit on my lip and stared out across the park. "Life isn't the same without her."

"You feel me? One moment I had a girlfriend and was in a pretty darn stable relationship for a seventeen year old kid and then bam! Everything's gone to bust."

I blinked back. "Girlfriend?"

She nodded and looked towards me. "Yeah? Ellie was my girlfriend?"

"Wait - wait what?"

She gave me a quizzical look. "She did tell me she wanted to keep it secret, but I thought that you at least knew. I know Elijah knows - or knew. Ellie and I didn't tell him, though, how weird."

How does one not know the person they consider their best friend is in a relationship? I can probably understand why she didn't tell me she was, y'know, bisexual, or gay because she used to call me a religious nut and would've thought I would judge her. But I wouldn't. How could I? She was my best friend!

Tiffany and I parted ways after another hour of talking and eating. My mind was still turning a little bit too fast as I thought about this new revelation. I wasn't watching where I was going and ended up, ironically, at the church.

Wandering in and out of the pews didn't help my over active mind at the moment. In fact, it egged it on even more and I was forced to sit down and just think to calm my mind down.

The only question in my mind was why she didn't tell me. I wouldn't have ostracised her. Sure, I would've been a little shocked, but then at least I'd have known.

And Elijah knew? Was this what he was talking about that time when we went to IKEA? Was this why he asked that old lady about homosexuality? What did she even have to do with it anyway? Was he trying to tell me that if people with much more traditional morals didn't care, I shouldn't too? But the thing is, I don't care, and it hasn't really affected me in a bad way!

I don't understand why he didn't tell me straight up. Why nobody told me straight up. Everyone seemed to know apart from me. I'm not hard to approach, he proved that by knocking on my door practically every morning for a month or so.

I just don't understand why nobody had the decency to tell me!

As I was battling myself, someone came to sit next to me.

"Hi there!" They said, and I looked up, surprised by the sudden interaction. It was one of the priests. I think I knew who he was, I'd seen him some Sundays I'd decided to pop in here.

"Oh - oh, hello."

"What's troubling you? You look like you're thinking too hard about something very small."

I contemplated on telling him. "Well, it's not that important, I guess."

"Anything that dwells on your mind for more than a second is very important." He said. "Don't worry, you can trust me."

"It's not that I don't trust you..." Yes, it kind of was. "It's because I'm sure you'll judge me."

He shrugged. "Who am I to judge?"

I could tell that he wasn't going to let this budge, and I didn't want to lie in a church. After trying to think up reasons I couldn't tell him, I decided that I might as well tell him. You never know, he could probably help me somehow.

"Well.. I just found out that my best friend was gay."

"Was?"

"She's dead,"

"Dead?"

"Suicide."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

We sat there quietly and I couldn't help but wonder whether he was thinking of a way to just disengage himself from the conversation and leave. This was all so strange and unlikely. I felt like the only person in the world who didn't expect all of these events to pile up upon each other in a tower of revelations.

"Did you care for her?.

"I did."

"Then why does it matter?"

I blinked at him, surprised once more. He smiled gently at me and pushed his ever slipping glasses up his nose.

"It doesn't?"

"No, it doesn't. Well, it shouldn't. It doesn't change the person she was to you, or the person she still is to you. Even, you know more about her, which makes her closer to you."

"Oh,"

"I'm guessing you thought I'd judge you, but what right is instilled upon me to do so? I'm not anyone special."

"Thanks."

He nodded at me and then left without another word.

Following my encounter with the priest, I left the church and went to visit Ellie's shiny new and grey coloured grave stone, figuring we had a lot to talk about. What surprised me was the fact if could see a familiar tuft of brown curly hair sticking out from above it.

Filled with a new burst of misplaced confidence, I marched over to Elijah who was sitting down in front of it quietly looking off into the horizon as if he was in one of those indie movies. My stance cast a shadow over him, and he looked up at me with squinty eyes.

"Diane Young?" He said, his voice a little bit shocked. I towered over him, arms folded and head held high even though I was looking down.

"We need to talk." I said.