Separating my need to take the reigns and my need to help Alex is more of a challenge than I'd expected, like fighting the need to close a window when the breeze becomes a bit too much to ignore.
That's not me saying I can't do it, but the desire to take over is insane, almost impossible to ignore, though I will and I won't be beaten by it. I won't be perceived as an inconsiderate partner in this relationship, Alex's needs are more important than my desires, though they might think otherwise.
I pull a face at the passing thought. I don't believe my desires are a being with thoughts or emotions, but I'd still gone and made it seem so in my mind. That's something I'll have to keep a focus on, my inner demon will not become more than it is, it can't.
The planning had well and truly begun, even though Alex hasn't exactly said it, I can sense that he is putting something together in his mind, a place, a time and of course, the how. I have no doubt that he will open up to me when he has a better idea of what he wants and until then, I'll wait, there is absolutely no point in me deciding anything for him. This will all be orchestrated under his hand, I am only a passenger, a spare wheel if he needs me.
Until then, life goes on as usual.
My work days filled with cases that either grate on me and test my inner demon, or ones that are simple to sort out. Luckily for me, I've got fewer cases in family law that feed my desire, which is what's best right now, I don't need the distraction from what Alex is going through. He needs me to be there if things go awry and I can't be a support to him if I stumble upon another case that takes my attention. There has to be a way to switch it off, to numb myself to the incessant prodding and untamed blood thirst that the demon within forces upon me. I need to be more than it. Stronger. In control of what goes on and what I am doing.
My cell's message tone breaks me from the downward spiral I'd been on and my sight focuses to find it sitting to my left, peeking out from beneath the clutter of paperwork that currently occupies my desk.
As I grab it, the screen illuminates, it's Justine, and somehow she has managed to message me when I needed to be pulled from my mind. That's certainly helpful.
Hey chick, got time for a lunch catchup?
Yeah, that'd be great. I reply quickly.
We agree to meet at a coffee shop a few blocks away from my office building, yet my mind is still wandering freely, consumed by thoughts of Alex and Seth, and how I'm supposed to keep myself together throughout it all.
When I arrive I choose a table close to the door, putting us where the noise floods in and keeps my attention focused on other things. Justine has yet to arrive and I wait patiently, perusing the menu for my lunch choice.
The chair across from me scrapes noisily and my head snaps up at the sound, but it's only Justine that has found me and joined the table.
"Sheesh. Someone's on edge." Justine says as she gets comfortable.
My hand drops into my lap, "I'm sorry, I don't know what that was about."
Justine quirks her right brow, "Right..." She says, dragging out the word, "Surely the menu didn't have you that freaked out. What's up?"
I shake my head, "Nothing at all. Trust me. Everything is good." I respond in a clipped tone, though I think it's safe to say that my edginess comes from what is just around the corner.
"Sure, sure." She mutters, "You suck at lying, you know that, yeah?"
I stare at her as she picks up the other menu, averting her knowing gaze from mine to the information before her.
YOU ARE READING
Deadly Discern - Book Three ✔️
Mystery / ThrillerBook Three of The Deadly Series. Danica is changing, evolving, becoming something more, or perhaps something less. Without Alex, she can't be sure. The walls of sanity are falling down around her and she doesn't know where to turn. In this book we...
