Carrying His Baby

The Beginning, Not The End

I have to end this; I have to end the pain. The pain was horrible, it plagues me every day. It's like a demon sitting on my shoulders, whispering horrible words in my ear. Saying how I was a horrible, ugly, slut who deserves to die. This demon sounds like my father, because he too says all of those things to me, while he is forcing me up against the wall and kissing me. I don't resist because at least he is harming me and not my brother.

Oh, my brother, the only one who would care if I died. I love him so much, and would follow him to the ends of the earth, but I only hope he wouldn't do the same. I could almost see his sweet, big blue eyes looking up at me and wondering why I jumped. He is too young to understand. The poor little boy looks up to me, but I know he shouldn't. I am an absolutely horrible role model.

I got up on the ledge of the astronomy tower, the tallest tower at Hogwarts. I had to do this, I had to jump. I have to end the pain. I have a note for my brother in my pocket, for people to give to him. It's just explaining why I jumped, just so he knows it wasn't him. It was everything and everyone else in my life.

It was my father, and his constant abuse and sexual assault. It was my teachers, and there constant need to lower my grades, even though I try my hardest. It was my constant lack of friends, because apparently no one felt the need to talk to someone who was obviously lonely. Everyone just didn't seem to care.

This is why I was going to jump from the astronomy tower, and end it all. I just couldn't do it anymore.

I remember jumping and I remember falling. The air whipped around my face. For a second I felt a twinge of regret, just a little. But it was drowned out by the freedom I felt. I remember thinking what death will be like, wondering what I will do and who I will meet. Maybe I would see my mother again, make her apologize for leaving me and brother, even if her death was an accident. Then, when I see her, I might finally be at peace. I only hope in death I will be at peace, since in life I am not.

The ground was close, and I could feel the sweet nothingness come over me. "No more." I whispered as I almost made impact. My abuse was about to stop, my hurt was about to stop, and my life was about to stop, and I didn't care. My vision started to blur, black spots appeared, and I smiled for the first time in awhile.

I thought impact would be harder than it was. When I made contact with what I thought was the ground it was almost soft. Which was strange. I didn't though spend my time contemplating the ground because in my mind I was dying. I let out what I thought was my last breath with a smile, and when I opened my eyes for what I thought was my last time I saw a blurry figure in the corner of my eye. It was then that I was greeted by the black that I thought was death.

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The first time I opened my eyes after that night was short. They barely fluttered open and my vision was still blurry. The room was all white, except for one spot of black in the corner. Once again I didn't ponder what I was seeing at the time. Then, a couple seconds later I closed my eyes again, not to open them for a couple days.

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The second time I opened my eyes I was able to see better. I was lying in a white bed with hospital sheets keeping me warm. There was a blue curtain wrapped around my bed and I could hear voices on the out side. Adult voices. They said things like "3 days," "suicide," and "accident."

It was then that I realized where I was, the hospital wing. I was not dead. The blurry figure saved me. "No." I whispered as tears threatened to spill. It was at that moment of emotional weakness when I heard footsteps slowly getting louder. People. Coming towards me. I panicked and closed my eyes, not wanting the people to see I was awake.

A couple seconds later I could hear my curtain open, and the silence of chatter. Could they tell I was awake? My worries were silenced when one of the bystanders said, "Poor girl, still out of it, when she is awake hopefully she will answer some of our questions."

Then the foot steps started to fade away and I breathed a sigh of relief. They were gone. I was in the clear, but then spoke a voice that I could recognize anywhere. "Come back Headmaster, it seems we have a liar." Professor Snape said, that piece of shit. "Ms Owen, get up."

"Bastard." I mumbled as I opened my eyes and sat up. He smirked at me when I caught his eye.

"Language Ms Owen." He said as the group of what I now know as teachers started to head back to my bedside.

"How did you know I was-" I began to say before Professor Dumbledore cut me off.

"Oh Ms Owen," Dumbledore said," I am so glad you are awake."

I let out a weak smile and said, "Me too Headmaster." Professor Snape scoffed, and I sent him a glare.

Professor Dumbledore didn't seem to notice and said, "You were out for 3 days, you missed the feast and the first days of classes. Everyone was very worried about you." Now is was my turn to scoff, I highly doubt anyone noticed that I wasn't there. But, like last time, Dumbledore didn't seem to notice as he continued to say "You missed some big announcements, and I'm sure your fellow Gryffindores will be excited to tell you, but as of right now you just need to get better."

I smiled and nodded, at the Headmaster's words, all while wondering what the announcement was. I'm sure I would find out though when I get even in earshot of my peers.

At this point, most of the Professors standing with him have walked away, just leaving McGonagall, Dumbledore, and Snape. Dumbledore then looked around, as if looking for anyone that could overhear, but they're was none. Then, almost slowly, he started talking. "Ms Owen, there is one more thing."

"What?" I said, beginning to get nervous.

"Well, even though this situation doesn't seem like the type, I must ask, when Madame Pomfrey was checking you out, she noticed bruises, a lot of them. Some in common places, and some not. That alone raises some questions, but since you seem to have fallen off the Astronomy tower, are you okay?"

I didn't know what to say. On one hand, this could be my opportunity to get me and my brother out. I could tell Dumbledore and him and I could be safe. But, on the other hand, I could see the consequences. All of the details and reasons so public. I would be seen as strange, and then no one would want to be my friend. Then, they're is also the possibility that it could get worse if my allegations were found not true.

"No, I just slipped over the edge on the tower." I finally said with a smile.

"But the bruises," Dumbledore said in a shaky voice, "is it your father?" I felt my face pale, and my hands get clammy. This was the moment.

"Of course it is not my father," I said in a attempted strong voice," I am offended that you would think this of my father sir, he is a great man."

Dumbledore looked uncertain, but didn't try and press the subject. It was almost as if he knew I was sensitive to the topic. "Well then, I am sorry for offending you and I guess I will be on my way. Thank you for your cooperation on the subject." He said with a nod as the rest of the teachers exited the hospital wing. All except Snape, he stayed behind.

"Detention for a month Miss. Owen." Snape said with his usual sneer, throws what I recognize as my suicide note on my bed, and then starts walking away.

"Why!" I said after him.

"For lying to the headmaster of course." He said as if it was obvious.