Half Bad // Harry Styles

Chapter 20

♡ chapter 20 - Harry ♡

            Annabelle died the same day I came home to find my mother dead. I lost two loved ones that day, not to mention my own home. Not only had I run away, but I twisted into the dark monster I am today. None of it was meant to happen, but emotions overpower your brain to configure something demeaning out of it. You don't process what you're doing because you're too blinded by what's shielding the light from hitting your senses. Not only is anger a striking factor, but so is love.

            I fucking hate love. It has backstabbed me more than once by taking away each coherent thought I've ever had and turning it into something so implausible, I can't believe I ever thought it in the first place. Love has only been taken away from me, not given. Sometimes I have doubts Annabelle loved me the same way I loved her, but it doesn't matter anymore. It's the past. I tried to remind myself I don't love her anymore, she's dead, but I honestly don't want to believe it.

            But then I think of Rose.

            Rose. The girl who annoyed the living hell out of me for the first week of our time together. The girl who somehow made me wish I wasn't as evil as I was portrayed. The girl who miraculously made me want to be better for her. The girl who—no matter how much of a dick I was—still stayed and gave me more chances than I deserved. The girl who took off her bracelet that shielded her from the evil just to kiss me. The girl who is now distant from me without my single thought of what could be happening to her.

            The girl I don't ever want to live without.

            The girl I fucking adore.

            The girl I love.

            And I fucking hate her for making me this pathetic, but I love her for making me this determined to change.

            Talk about bipolar.

            So here I am now, pissed and annoyed all the same. It's like we've rewound time to where Rose was here, aggravating the shit out of me, but I wasn't enjoying this particular presence.

            No. I was stuck listening to Daniel ramble about how he might turn gay for a fictional character named Augustus Waters, and I don't give two shits about what the hell he's saying, but he won't shut up anyway.

            "I mean, not only is he full of adorable compliments towards Hazel Grace, but he's just so dedicated to steal her heart, you know? He says it would be a privelge to have his heart broken by her. I mean, can I please find a girl that will say this to me? I don't want to be gay, nor do I need to be gay, but Augustus Waters makes it very difficult to choose and—"

            "Oh for the love of God, shut the fuck up." I groaned, rubbing my temples before I dropped to the ground. We were in the midst of walking to this so-called laboratory Daniel was talking about, and I really wished I knew the way and it wasn't so far so I could poof myself there. But apparently my luck has run out, if I ever even had any. My only form of luck I've had is meeting Rose, and look where that has us now.

            Daniel mimicked me childishly, sitting across from me. "I'm just trying to pass the time and get a second opinion."

            "For fuck's sake, he's a fictional character!" I gave him a look, questioning how stupid one human being could possibly be.

            "Well fictional characters are a lot nicer than actual people," he muttered under his breath, and I knew he was directing that at me.