Shattered Memories [R-18] [Completed]

Shattered Memories - Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

Ang bahagyang naningkit na mga mata ni Robert ay unti-unting namilog. Mabilis siyang lumapit sa kaniyang asawa. Hinawakan niya ang magkabilang pisngi nito, his gaze searched for something in Ishi's eyes. "Do you really remember?"

Malutong na sampal ang isinagot ni Ishi. Maluha-luha ito at nanginginig din ang pang-ibabang labi. "I f-cking hate you!" she spat like it was poison coming from her mouth. "I f-cking hate you Robert!" sikmat niya sa nanginginig na boses. Kakayari lang niyang mapanaginipan ang huling eksena bago siya maaksidente. Puno ng panibugho ang kaniyang puso. Ang sakit sakit, ngunit tulad ng dati... hindi pa rin malinaw sa kaniya kung bakit. Umiiyak siyang napasabunot sa sarili habang walang habas pa ring minumura ang asawa. She felt sick, like her heart was being stabbed by a thousand knives. Robert tried to hug her but she pushed him away, even kicking him just to make him go away.

Nanatili lamang na nakatayo si Robert sa gilid ng kama. Tulala sa reaksyon ng asawa. Wala siyang magawa kundi ang panuorin ito at pakinggan ang pagmumura nito dahil hindi rin naman niya alam kung ano ang gagawin. She was hysterical and there's nothing he can do about it. Hinintay na lang niya hanggang sa kumalma ito ng kaunti. Inabot din siya ng ilang minuto, saka lang siya nagsalita pagkatapos.

"Ishi..."

She did not answer. Her arms hugged her knees as soft sobs escapes her lips.

Dahan-dahang lumapit si Robert saka niya ipinalibot ang kaniyang mga braso sa nakabilog na posisyon ng asawa. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

Itinaas ni Ishi ang kaniyang mukhang basa ng luha. Her eyes are sad, her nose is a little pinkish too because of crying. "What should I do Robert?" Tumingala ito sa mukha niya na para bang nagmamakaawa ito ng saklolo mula sa kaniya.

He kissed her temple. "Do you really remember? Naalala mo na ba ang lahat?"

"No." Ishi frustratingly shook her head. "No. Ang tanging natatandaan ko lang ay 'yung nangyari sa coffee shop nila Joyce. Apart from that, I don't remember anything else. I think I'm going crazy Robert. I don't f-cking remember anything aside from that! And it's stupid because I am very mad at you without even knowing why! And it hurts a lot because---" She gasped, her one hand clung to the neckline of her shirt. It was getting hard for her to breathe. "I think I love you which I don't really know right now. Nasasaktan ako ng sobra Robert. At hindi ko alam kung bakit, kung bakit ko kailangan masaktan para sa'yo." Gigil na napasabunot muli siya sa kaniyang sarili. "Goddamnit Robert, what's wrong with me?!"

Robert couldn't answer her immediately. Maski siya ay pinoproseso kung ano ang maaaring nangyayari sa kaniyang asawa. He tried to hush her. "You don't have to remember everything at once, babe. Tama lang na magalit ka at masaktan dahil 'yan talaga ang dapat mong maramdaman."

"But I don't like it! Mukha akong tanga! I feel like this, pero bakit? Why even bother feeling sad and angry if I don't even know why I felt so hurt when I saw you cheating on me? I don't even know what you looked like when I first saw you. It's just... para akong tanga!" sigaw niya. "I think I'm going crazy!"

"Hindi, Ishi." Hinigpitan niya ang pagkakayapos niya rito. "Hindi ka nababaliw. In fact, that's a sign that you're getting better. Just be brave about accepting your old memories. It will help you to get back to the real you, okay?" He tried to console her with his words, hinagod pa niya ang likod nito para mapagaan ang loob nito.

Humihikbing sumiksik sa dibdib niya si Ishi. "I don't like this Robert. Nasasaktan ako!"

"Shhh... It will be over soon. Just don't stress yourself."

Ishi slowly looked up to Robert to seek comfort and peace in his eyes. Namalayan na lang niya ang sarili na nakahawak sa magkabilang pisngi nito hanggang sa ilapat niya ang sariling mga labi si bibig nito. She kissed him. Slow. Gentle and deep. She kissed him like she yearned for him so much. "Mahal kita, Robert," bulong niya. Napakagat siya sa pang-ibabang labi nang kumawala ang mga katagang iyon sa kaniyang bibig. She doesn't even know where she found the urge to kiss Robert, that's why she thinks saying she loves him was too much. Her eyes where tightly closed as she bites her lips hard.

Robert held her chin. "I know you do. You just don't remember." This time, it was his turn to kiss her.

Walang pag-aalangan namang sinagot iyon ni Ishi. Napakagaan sa pakiramdam ang malamang mahal at minahal nga niya talaga ang lalaki, subalit may rason din kung bakit parang napakabigat ibigin nito. Kissing and holding him tight felt right and it seems like a natural thing to do, but at the same time it felt wrong. Parang may mali. "Hindi ko ito dapat ginagawa. This is wrong."

"There's nothing wrong with this. Mag-asawa tayo. You love me, and I love you." He gave her a peck on her lips. "You're getting better," he stated gladly.

Ishi weakly nodded her head. Isinandig niyang muli ang ulo sa dibdib ng kaniyang mister. Patuloy pa rin ang misteryo sa kaniyang isipan. She was thinking so hard for answers and it's stressing her a lot. Inisip lang niya nang inisip ang mga butas sa kaniyang memorya hanggang sa muli na naman siya mahimbing dahil sa pagod at sobrang pag-iyak.

* * *

Nang gabi ring iyon, nagising si Ishi na wala si Robert. Sinabi lang sa kaniya ni Aling Judy na may emergency raw sa hospital kaya umalis ito. Babalik din naman daw ito kaagad, depende kung gaano katagal ang operasyon na gagawin nito. Nagbigay lang ito ng habilin sa mga katulong na pakainin siya at painumin ng gamot pagkatapos.

Walang gana siya nang kumain. Halos nakaisang subo lang siya ng kutsara. Tila napakabigat pa rin ng kaniyang katawan na halos namamanhid na rin siya sa pakiramdam ng pagiging gutom. Pinilit lang niyang ramihan ng kaunti ang kaniyang kinain dahil alam niyang iinom pa siya ng gamot. The pills eased her headache and she felt tranquil. May kahalong calming effect pala ang gamot aniya sa isip-isip. Pinuntahan niya ang working room niya rati, ang kuwarto kung nasaan nakatago lahat ng kaniyang mga dinesenyong damit.

Her dainty fingers ran on the few papers she found on the desk. May mga iba't ibang uri ng disenyo roon. She smiled sadly. Seven years old pa siya noong simulan niyang hangaan ang mga napapanuod niya sa fashion channels. Never in her existence had she thought she'd learn to make her own designs. Marunong lang siyang gumuhit ng kung anu-ano, pero hindi siya ganoong ka-creative pagdating sa mga damit. Umupo siya at dinampot ang lapis sa gilid. Gumuhit siyang muli ng disenyo, ngunit hindi siya natuwa sa kaniyang nakita. Muli niyang sinubukan pero iba pa rin ang kinalabasan. Frustrated na nilamukos niya ang papel saka ihinagis sa trash bin na malapit.

It's stupid. I can never bring back who I was before...