The Private Clinic

CHAPTER 11 - JULIET HARDWIN

Juliet Hardwin, 3 weeks after the accident

Pain constantly keeps on throbbing though my well, everywhere. I'm bored out of my mind out here, lying still in bed in an all-white room. Everything here is so perfectly neat, it just looks odd to me.

I raise my eyes up, trying to check out the wall behind me. Not one friend, or family member has send me a card, or flowers, or anything. My phone is completely scattered and unusable, Doctor Evan told me. I can't help but feel a little disappointed in my friends. I spoke with the doctor yesterday, and called the whole situation suspicious, but that's just me overthinking scenarios in my head because there is nothing better to do.

Doctor Evan still hasn't cleared the flowers from the desk, I know he's busy but the sight of them, hanging over the rim of the vase, being dead, is kind of how I feel right now. It's been 3 weeks, but it often feels more like 3 years. All I can do is lay here, wondering why no one cares that I'm in here.

Sure, I get it. They're all dealing with mom and dad in the hospital, and visiting hours may be a little more diverse there than here, since this is such a different facility, and since it's doctor Evan's home too.

He has been so great, and takes such good care of me. Sometimes I feel really grateful that I'm here instead of the regular hospital, because I despise those. The smell, the people roaming the hallways, the feeling of being there. Doctor Evan is not only great at what he does, but he feels like a friend too. Someone I can really talk to, someone who gets me.

But whenever Evan is gone, or busy, the emotional vines from feeling abandoned wrap around me and won't let me go. Thoughts intrude my mind, telling me I have never mattered to the people I know, as if I was just filler in their life, but never significance. I always thought everyone liked me, and I liked that. I was convinced I had a good circle of friends, colleagues and acquaintances. Yet there is no one, not even one person who bothered to show up and ask how I am doing.

I feel so alone, so isolated from my basic affairs. I daydream about what I'm missing, what is keeping them so busy.

These days, that anxious feeling is the only thing that slips inside my head. It's so not me, but ever since I woke up in here, it only happened more frequently. It kind of just feels like my mind wanders off without me.

I fidget with my fingers on my lap and crack my knuckles for quick relief and study my skin intensely. Most cuts are almost healed, though the skin still looks rough.

Today is a cloudy day, so I can't even stare out of the window and have a nice view. Just after letting out my fifth big sigh of the day, it's not like I'm counting, doctor Evan walks in.

"How are we feeling today?" I see he has brought his grin with him.

"I guess you feel fine, I feel like shit."

He chuckled.

"What's wrong now?"

"What? You're not sick of my constant whining yet?" I joked.

"Of course not, your whining is my favorite."

"Well, it's good to know at least someone enjoys having me around." I looked down onto my lap.

The doctor slides the chair from the desk over the floor and sits down and turns it over, with his body leaning against the back and rest his arms resting on it.

"Still upset about your visitors?"

"The absence of them." I corrected.

"I'm sorry. I know you miss your brother."

"It just feels like he ditched me, and along with the physical pain, that just tears me apart."

"I'm sure he wants to see you, but give him a little more time. Things always fall into place eventually."

I bite the inside of my cheek as an old idea enters my mind again.

"Doctor Evan, can you bring me a mirror?"

"Uh, sure. Why?" he stands up and slides the chair away.

"I just want to look at myself. . . I have no idea who I am anymore."

Evan smiled. "Wait here."

"I don't really have anywhere else to go, do I?"

Evan returns with a mirror in his hands, he carefully hands it to me. "There you go."

Though it isn't heavy, it takes a lot of my strength to hold it up. I try not to show Evan how much I am struggling. Sitting up like this and holding an object out in front of me are a bit too much for me, though I would never admit that to doctor Evan.

A gasp escapes my mouth whether I like it or not. My eyes are red and puffy, and my veins are visible on my forehead. My skin is irritated and swollen but a few cuts are healing. This is my face, but I'm taken aback by the sight of it. It disturbs me. 2 broken legs, injured arms, fractured ribs, yet nothing makes me feel like I feel right now, whilst looking right into my own eyes, and I can't say I recognize them. Absolute disgust is the only emotion that efforts through the rest. I guess it's true what they say, you meet yourself by looking in the mirror. Though I am not sure which Juliet I am meeting right now.

The fun, outgoing and cheerful Juliet or the complete opposite. A piece of me hoped the fun Juliet would show herself when I took the mirror from doctor Evan, but I guess she is buried so deep inside me, that even I have no idea if I can ever be like that again.

Right now, I see myself as a sad, vulnerable child. I drop the mirror on my lap, I don't want to look at myself anymore. I rub my tired eyes, unable to express how heartbroken I am over who I am.

Doctor Evan comes to my aid once more, he sits down next to me and holds me softly as he whispers sweet words in my ear. His skin is warm against me and the scent of his cologne calms me. I bring myself to lift my arms and wrap them around Evan before I sob into his shoulder. He holds me tighter, so tight it hurts.

I am so grateful for him, I don't know how I am ever going to repay him - I owe him my life.