The One That Got Away

Chapter 18

I hate myself for doing this. 

-Liz  

Chapter 18

My hands started trembling and soon, I was on my knees, head buried in them and sobbing uncontrollably. I honestly loved him, with every fibre of my being, and to know he never loved me back was like throwing a ton of bricks at my heart. Like it was being poked and prodded at with a bunch of sharp needles. I couldn't fathom my feelings at the moment. My emotions were on overdrive.

I'm not sure how long I stayed there, my arms wrapped around my knees, my back leaning against the couch, my head in my knees, sobbing my eyes out but I finally came to my senses when I heard the keys unlocking the lock on the front door. I didn't bother getting up. I wanted him to see how much he hurt me. I wanted him to feel all the pain he has put me through and more.

"Shit, Roxy!? What's going on!? It's just a movie!" He said rushing over to me, pulling me into his embrace. I squirmed out of his reach and got up, walking to our bedroom. He started following me throwing questions at me.

I ignored him and got my duffel bag out from under the bed. I began putting my belongings into it when Harry grabbed my hands and turned me to face him. I looked at the ground unable to meet his gaze. I would crumble if I looked into those green orbs.

"Roxy, tell me what's going on! Now!" he demanded shaking me.

I ripped my arms out of his and ran to the couch in the living room, picking up the cellular device and shoving it in his face. "THERE! THAT'S WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" I yelled at him, my breathing ragged and my hands balled up into fists.

His expression grew worried and scared as he read the message. "You read my messages?!"

I scoffed and walked passed him into the room again, hurriedly putting stuff inside. I was leaving. I was not staying here with that ass hole. I deserved better. I deserved someone who could treat me well, not lie to me about the biggest thing someone could lie about. Love.

"Wait. Roxy, stop. Let me explain." He said running after me.

I didn't say anything, I just continued packing. I didn't care about whatever he was going to explain to me, all I cared about was getting out of there. I finished the clothes and walked into the bathroom, Harry hastily following behind me.

"Well, ermm... it kind of... just happened." He began.

I scoffed getting my toiletries. It just happened? That really helps, Harold.

"Wait. No. It didn't just happen. We were both drunk. I just wanted to get away from all the drama of work for a little while and the boys were going out so I decided to go with them. Sam was there and she wouldn't leave me alone. Then I had a few drinks and all I remember is... getting into a taxi with her..."

I suddenly stopped and looked up at him. "Were you... were you home... in the morning? ...And wearing clothes?"

He looked down at his shoes and I choked on the sobs that started to fall again. "Oh god. Roxy, please don't cry. I don't love her. I love-"

"Don't tell me you love me. You don't. You could have called me if you were stressed. I would've tried to help you. When were you going to tell me this anyway huh? Let me guess, soon?" he started to say something but I cut him off, still packing. "Look, I think it's best if we forget about whatever this was. You obviously can't keep a serious relationship and I'm not going to wait on you. I have a life too, Harry. The world doesn't revolve around Harold Styles." He looked at me with those big electric green orbs but I knew I wasn't backing down. Independent Roxy was here now and she wasn't going anywhere. "I thought you loved me. I thought we would last so much longer than this. I guess I was wrong."

"Roxy, I do love you! Please, just give me another chance!? I love you so much!" he said grabbing my arm as I began to lug my duffel bag down the hallway, my Doc Martens, Raybans and beanie on, and Steve outside waiting for me. I had texted him during Harry's apology.

"That was your second chance, Harry. I told you, if you hurt me again, that's it. No more. Honestly, Harry. You're sad. This is just pathetic. I'm not going to play your games anymore. I'm done with you. We're over. Whatever we were is over. Don't call me. Don't try to fix this. The damage is done and... and I hate you."

Lie. I still loved him. But I was going to change that. I wasn't waiting for his sorry ass. I was going to show him that I didn't need him. I could do things for myself. I looked at him one last time before storming out of the house and into the dark black van. I signalled for Steve to go, which he did hesitantly. I looked one last time at the boy I loved before he was out of sight. My heart crumbled into tiny pieces right then and there.

I love you, Harry Styles.

But I wish I didn't.

 Dedicated to EmpressInABox for the amazing cover. Thank you! x