Only Time Can Tell (Going through editing) ✔

Thinking About You (9)

NOT Proofread.

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When I wake up the next morning I find myself covered in sweat. My eyes look to the left and I see the clock reads just pass three in the morning. I groan into the air before I remove myself from the bed and pull out a hoody, sliding it over my head. I am not a morning person I am the person who has to have a few alarms to wake me up. So, me waking up this early means that there is something wrong with me. I slide out the room and pull up the hood of my hoody up. The only thing that seems to be running through my mind is the locket which is still around my neck. I let it rest on the top of my hoody and I take a deep breath once I reach the stairs before descending down them.

 He waited a year, a fucking year to show his feeling again. I'm going back to being the shy, innocent girl of last year. The one who fell in love with him. All I knew is that after everything he put me through, I can’t help, but fall back in love with him. I always wanted to have revenge, but the time I should have planned revenge was when Jesse came along and he made me so, happy. He loves me and I love him. Is it possible to love two people at once? If you can’t, I don’t know who I should choose. The one who broke my heart, yet I spend all my time thinking about him. I have Jesse and he's always put me first, but I don’t get the same rush as I do when I kiss Xander. I can’t love him though; I need to fall out of love with Xander before it’s too late. I stop dead in my tracks and see Xander at the counter. I take a deep breath and my voice comes out shaky.

 ‘Xander.’ He looks up and smiles.

 ‘Hey sweetheart, I’ve been thinking and I think we should fuck.’ I roll my eyes knowing that from the smell and the words coming out his mouth that he is drunk and I have no hope in trying to get away from him when he is like his. I look at him and bite down on my lower lip before I say.

 ‘You’re drunk.’ I roll my eyes but Xander just shrugs his shoulders and takes a step closer to me before he says.

 ‘Yeah princess. I see you're wearing my locket.’ I'm standing at arm's length away from him and he’s pulling me closer to him and rests his arms on my waist. I find myself staring at his eyes and I open my mouth to talk only to have him place a finger over my mouth and he says ‘Baby doll you don’t need to talk.’ I could smell the alcohol coming off from him as his breath brushes my neck. I feel a shiver go up my neck. His mouth licks over my neck and I pull away and look into his green eyes. ‘Babe, don’t do that. Don’t you miss us?’ Slowly nodding and within that moment he took it to press his lips to mine. I didn’t kiss him back as much as I want to give in to him. I want him. I need him. I knew that I couldn’t have him. Miss goody two shoes would never have the bad boy. Noticing my reaction led him to pulling away.

I ran from the room with my tears falling down my face. I didn't let him speak as I ran up the stairs and slamming my bedroom door before locking it behind me. Why can’t you just accept that you want Xander? A voice said in my head. I shook it, trying to get the inside of my body to stop screaming. My mind's racing and my breathing's beginning to increase as I lay on the ground ready to close my eyes.

 The banging against my bedroom door woke me up the next morning and standing up to open my bedroom door finding Selena standing there. She's looking at me and says.

 ‘Bed, you’re sick.' She snaps, once taking in my appearance. 'This is unbelievable. First there are you, who I might add is acting like a zombie. Or, you're happy and, then in the next second you look like you're going to faint. Then, there's Xander, who's going completely off the rocket and he's giving up on school. What the hell has happened to the world? Am I the only sane one?’ I hug her and say.

‘I’m sorry, but I don’t know what’s wrong with me.’ I lie into her ear. Pulling away from me I see she's wearing a huge smile. 

‘Well, you go to bed and sleep like now.’ I nod and she kisses me on the cheek before closing the door. I walk back to the bed and pull the covers over my head. Drifting off to sleep and entering the dream world. Waking up to the feeling of something warm touching my lips. Opening my eyes to see Jesse above me. I smile at him and wrap my arms around him.

 ‘You didn’t put any effort today. Feeling any better?’

 ‘Just a little faint.’ I told him honestly. Placing his hand on my waist as his lips went to my cheek. Laying down next to me to pull me closer to him. My arms resting over his chest and he says.

 ‘Delilah, can you please tell me what’s wrong with you because I think you should go to the doctors.’ I shake my head knowing that I am not ill but my stress level has increased and it’s all over the fact that I don’t know which boy I like more. That seems a little stupid and a little ridiculous and I really don’t understand myself. 

‘I’m fine.’ His thump brushes over my lips and he leans in a little closer and letting his lips brush over mine before he says. 

‘Okay, that’s fine for the moment, but you know I don’t believe that crap.’ Smiling at him as he brushes his lips over mine once more and I mutter against his lips. 

‘I don’t want to go to the party on Friday. Can we go skating? It will be empty because there all is here.’ Pulling away from me before nodding, then he says. 

‘That’s fine.’ Truth be told I knew I would drink. I always do and when drinking is involved so, are the secrets. My secrets would ruin my reputation in this town. I don’t want them to spill out and I know that I’m unstable at the moment and they will be revealed to the world that's something I couldn’t deal with. I would just be another girl that Xander screwed over, but then again why did he keep the locket. I thought love could be held in the locket, does that mean he still loves me. I don’t understand stop thinking about Xander when I have the most perfect boyfriend holding me at this very moment. 

‘So, what are you thinking about?’ Jesse said pulling me tighter and I smile and mutter.

 ‘You.’ He smiles and I brush my lips over his and he returns the kiss and I feel the smile on my face grow even more.

 I spent the night talking to Jesse. Jesse after a few hours went down and made us some pasta with ham and cheese sauce. I talk about life. We talk about us and after an intense discussion about love. I realize I did love him and I was perfectly happy with him. I feel asleep with his arms around me. I just want us to be perfect and I would love perfection to be a part of our lives.

When you’re little you dream about meeting your prince charming and it would be love at first sight. You would know they were the one as soon as your eyes locked and you would just know. You think the world was just princesses, pirates and princes. Fantasies are the things that are real, and reality doesn’t matter because you live in the world of dreams and magic and everything in your mind I just perfect. Perfection isn’t real and you learn that as you get older. You learn that no everything fits in to place that life is an uphill battle. You have to fight every step of the way because if you don’t, you’ll be left on the ground crying your heart and soul.

Pain comes from love because that’s when you end up hurting the most, love leads to lies and lies lead to heartbreak. I didn’t want to hurt Jesse because I’d been hurt before and so I didn’t want anyone to go through the pain I had. I fell in love with Xander and I am in love with Jesse. Don’t fall because you break.