Friendly Attractions

Confession

Grace just stares at her friends' car drive away. She doesn't know what to do with herself. She would go drink or go smoke but when Grace tries to look for anything, it's all gone. All she does is collapse and starts crying uncontrollably. She know that Mamrie and Hannah are right. If she doesn't stop now, she'll end up killing herself, but maybe that's the point. Maybe she's trying to kill herself. Grace accepts the fact that her friends are gone for good so she jumps into her car and goes to the liquor store. If her friends just left her, why wouldn't she drink? They're not there to yell at her so why not? She pulls up to the store and doesn't get out right away. Instead, she just thinks. She admits to herself that she has a problem. A huge problem. But now she's shaking, she needs something, she needs alcohol or at least a cigarette. Her body has become so used to drinking all the time, now she needs it. She doesn't allow herself to get out of the car to get alcohol because she knows she'll get drunk if she does, but she does manage to drive herself to a gas station and buys a pack of cigarettes. Her body calms down after the smoke fills her lungs but she knows she has to quit. And for the pills? She has bought the pills from a neighborhood dealer but never actually took them. She had planned to but never did. She didn't take them because drugs become addictive the day you decide to use them to fill the gaps in your heart instead of using them for short entertainment. She's been so caught up in her sorrow for herself, that she hasn't realized what she has been doing to the people she loves. Grace hopes it's not too late to win her friends back. She needs them. She needs to be loved or else what's the point of living? She needs Hannah, especially. But the thing is, she doesn't have the confidence to talk to them. She doesn't want to be yelled at again so she waits...waits for them to come to her. She waits and waits and waits... It's been two weeks and she still hasn't been contacted by them. Grace, unfortunately slips up a week into her soberness and drinks a bit. She goes out too and meets random guys who call her hot and sexy. Grace likes hearing that stuff because she's glad that she's pretty to someone. It boosts her confidence for the night, but when she wakes up the next morning, or should I say afternoon, she feels the same as she always does. Worthless. She doesn't smoke a pack a day anymore, instead she smokes half a pack a day. She's getting better. She's fine. At least that's what she thinks. While she's laying in her bed on tumblr, she feels her phone vibrate. Hannah is calling but Grace declines, she doesn't need someone to yell at her some more. A part of her is happy that Hannah is calling though. The fact that Hannah didn't forget about her makes Grace very happy. She sees she has a voicemail from Hannah and listens to it.

"Hey Grace, it's Hannah. I just wanted to know if you were ok. You haven't contacted us in over two weeks and you haven't uploaded any videos so I just want to make sure you're not dead or something. Seriously Grace, I need to hear from you...bye."

Grace sighs and knows she should probably send Mamrie and Hannah a text. So she does and stays there for a moment with her fingers hovering over the keyboard trying to figure out what to say.

She decides to go with a simple "I'm fine" and presses send.

Hannah responds almost immediately.

"Good, I was starting to think that my best friend just jumped off the face of the Earth ):"

Wait, they're still friends? Grace thought Hannah was going to be gone forever and honestly, she was okay with that because even though Grace loves Hannah, she doesn't want to love her like that. But she's also very happy that they're still friends. It's bitter sweet she thinks. Grace doesn't reply to Hannah because she doesn't really want to talk about it, but Hannah wants to keep talking so she sends another text.

"But seriously Grace, how are you? Like for real, how are you? Ya know what just call me okay? Are you busy?"

Grace isn't busy but part of her wants to lie to Hannah and say she is but she knows that this conversation has to happen sooner or later. She'd rather get it over with so she calls Hannah.

"Wow, I didn't think you'd actually call." Hannah laughs a bit.

Grace just pipes up and decides to put on an act. An act that makes her sound like she's all better, when in reality she's not.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?" Grace forces a laugh.

Hannah avoids the question and asks the same question she did in the text message she had sent two minutes ago.

"So how are you? Tell me the truth, Grace." Hannah's voice is stern but still filled with care and love.

"I told you, I'm totally fine. I'm back to normal Grace now! Everything's A-Ok!" Grace says.

Her voice sounds too happy and Hannah notices. Hannah knows that Grace is acting.

"Grace, are you forgetting that I filmed a movie with you and I know the difference between your sincerity and your acting?" Hannah sighs.

Grace isn't going to lie to Hannah anymore, she's done enough to that poor girl, already.

"Honestly? Hannah, I've been shit. I'm getting better I think, but still shit." Grace admits.

"Well, uh we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. You can tell me what's wrong whenever you're ready, I just don't want you to shut us out, Grace. It's really hurting us to see you like this, because believe it or not, we care a lot about you." Hannah says.

"Yeah I know. I care about you too." Grace says. She wants to add "mostly you" at the end but quickly catches herself.

"Well good, so do us all a favor and just stop hurting yourself, okay?" Hannah asks.

"Yeah." Is all Grace can manage.

"But to make you happier, maybe we can all hang out again? Like old times?" Hannah asks. She's hoping Grace will say yes so that her and Mamrie can preoccupy Grace so that she doesn't feel the need to drink or do drugs.

"Yeah, I'd like that. And Hannah?" Grace asks.

"Hmm?"

"Those pills. They were mine but I never took them. I planned to but never did." Grace says shakily.

Hannah nods but realizes the brunette can't see her.

"Alright, see you tomorrow? Yes. We're coming over tomorrow at 11 in the morning so you better set your alarm missy!" Hannah laughs.

"Thank you." Grace smiles.

The conversation ends and Grace sees a text message from Mamrie.

"I don't believe that for a second."

Then gets another one from Mamrie.

"Mini Hart and I are coming over tomorrow? Wow, Smellbig is finally overcoming her depression. Can't wait to see you, pretty lady!"

Pretty lady...

That's what Leah used to call her...

Grace misses Leah.

Fuck.

God, Grace really needs to get over this whole Leah thing. It's been over 10 years, gosh.

Luckily, her friends will be there in the morning to keep her from doing anything stupid.

Author's note: you may already know this from my other fanfic but I haven't been feeling well emotionally lately so if this chapter is shit, I'm sorry.