Ang Modernong Maria Clara ni Rizal

Kabanata 13: Kapatawaran

Kabanata 13: Kapatawaran

I was preparing my things for the gig tonight when Coleen entered my room. Hindi naman nakasara ang pinto ko kaya nakapasok siya agad. I looked at her and I could see dark circles around her eyes. Ngumiti naman siya sa akin pero kitang-kita ang lungkot sa mga mata niya.

"Hi ate, pwede ba tayo mag-usap for a while?" tanong niya.

Tinabi ko na muna ang mga kalat ko sa isang tabi at umupo sa gilid ng kama ko. Sumunod naman din siya. She was quiet for minutes. There was an awkward silence between us. Pero di ako nagsalita. Hinintay ko lang siya ang maunang magsalita.

"Ate, nakwento sa akin ni Toff ang nangyari. Ate, bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi ang...feelings mo sa kanya?" she asked. Her voice cracked, I knew then that she was already crying without looking at her.

Napabuntong-hininga na muna ako. "I don't know eh. Naging kampante lang siguro talaga ako na lagi kaming magkasama. I thought we'd eventually be together in the end. Itinago ko na lang kasi akala ko may dadating na point na masasabi ko na 'yon 'pag mismong nanggaling sa kanya na he has feelings for me. That our feelings are mutual. I was wrong pala. I was too late."

"Ate, kaya ba lumayo pa lalo ang loob mo sa akin ay dahil kay Kristoff? Kaya ba ang feeeling ko hindi mo kami tanggap kasi you have unrequited feelings for him?" she asked again. Before I could answer, she continued. "Ate naman, kung sinabi mo lang dati lahat 'to, baka kayo ang nagkatuluyan, Ate. Kaya kong mag-give way para sa inyong dalawa, Ate. Kasi Ate, mahal kita. Kahit never tayong naging close. Kahit lagi mo akong inii-snob. Ate, gagawin ko para sayo! I'll sacrifice my own happiness for you kasi mas mahal naman kita, Ate."

"I already did, Coleen. Ako na ang nagparaya," I just said. Di ko na din mapigilan ang maluha dahil ramdam ko ang sincerity niya. I had so many realizations that time.

Why was I too cruel on her? Everytime that she tried talking to me, lalayo agad ako. I never experienced anything bad she did to me. Feeling ko, sobrang sama ko.

"Ate, I'm sorry. I didn't know. Sorry ang manhid ko. Sorry na inagaw ko si Kristoff sayo. Ate, baka may chance na kayo ngayon. Alam mo ba Ate, he admitted he had feelings for you before. Pero ang sabi niya, feeling niya hanggang friends lang kayo. Maybe if he had known sooner, Ate, baka kayo na ngayon," she said. Her voice lighted up noong sinabi niya na may chance na kami.

Napailing na lang ako. "Eh paano ka? Hahayaan mo na lang na masaktan ka? Coleen, I'm telling you, masakit. Na pag makikita mo kami lagi, parang sinasaksak ka ng palalim. Na kahit ipakita mo pang masaya ka para sa amin, alam kong you're hurt. Ayoko nang pagdaanan mo ang dinanas ko. And besides, I moved on. Noong sinabi ko lahat sa kanya, parang gumaan ang baggages na dinadala ko. Maybe that was what I needed to do all this time. Finally, I can start again. Start to love and to be loved again."

Bigla ko na lang naisip si Joey at the thought. Hala! Ano bang pumasok sa isip ko at nasama siya sa usapan? Penny, gising!

Tiningnan ko na ang kapatid ko na ngayon ay nakangiti sa akin. Hindi siya nagsalita. She hugged me instead. "Ate, I love you. Sana maging close tayo. It's not too late pa naman di ba? Ayusin natin 'to. Isa pa, nag-cool off muna kami ni Toff."

I broke the hug and asked her. "Pero bakit? You shouldn't have done it. Ilang taon na din kayo. Kung dahil sa akin bakit kaya kayo maghihiwalay, hindi ako papayag."

She smiled again. "Ate, yes, isa ka sa reasons. Pero lately kasi madalas na kaming mag-away. May mga days din na hindi kami nag-uusap. Kapag hahanapin lang siya ni Mama, pupunta siya at doon niya lang ako kakausapin. Maybe this is what we needed even before your confession, Ate. We both decided this, Ate. Don't worry. We'll give each other space muna. Baka sakaling maayos pa."

This time, I initiated the hug. "I'm sorry too, Coleen. Sorry at hindi ako naging mabuting ate sayo. Pero yes, we'll fix this. Babawi ako sayo."

We were both crying when we heard someone sniffing. Tiningnan namin iyon at nakita namin si Mama na umiiyak sa may pinto. We offered our hands to her and she joined the hug.

"Thank God, thank God. I love you, mga anak ko," sabi ni Mama na iyak ng iyak pa din.

"We love you too, Ma," halos sabay naming sabi ni Coleen.

And that day was my freedom day.

---

I called Sir Villaviray later that day to invite him and Joey for my gig. Sinabi niyang hindi siya makakapunta due to family dinner pero ihahatid niya muna si Joey sa venue ng gig namin.

When the show was about to start, nakita ko na si Joey na naglalakad papalapit sa place na kinatatayuan ko. I smiled at him.

"Magandang gabi, binibini. Kagaya ng nauna kong sinabi, napakaganda mo ngayong gabi," sabi niya sa akin nang nakatitig sa mga mata ko. I was wearing all black that night but I was happy that he appreciated it. I felt my cheeks are burning because of that gaze.

"Thanks, Joey. Wag ka munang umalis after the gig ah, may ikukwento ako sayo," sabi ko. I was so excited to tell him about what happened regarding Coleen and me. Alam kong matutuwa siya kapag nalaman niya ang good news.

"Penny, ready na. Setup na kayo," sigaw sa amin ng manager namin na si Miss Trina from afar. Nagpaalam na ako kay Joey at umakyat na sa stage. Kami kasi ang front act ng mini concert ng Sugarful, isang indie rock band na sumisikat na ngayon. We're so thankful nga na kami ang napili kasi this is a good exposure for us.

Andie, our vocalist, welcomed the audience with so much energy. The crowd cheered and it gave us enough confidence. I started with long, upbeat drum rolls. We performed three songs: our rendition of Evidence by Urbandub and two original songs, This is Us and We Could Be.

Grabe ang energy ng crowd kaya alam namin it was a success. Sobrang saya namin pagbaba namin ng stage. Pagbaba ko, my eyes are focused on Joey na malaki ang ngiti sa akin. Pero hindi ko napansin ang dalawang taong papalapit sa akin

Marco, on my right, holding a bouquet of flowers.

And Kristoff, on my left, holding one as well.