War Of Hearts (#1stBook of Heart's Series)

Chapter 22

I woke up to the dim light from the candles that surrounded the room.

I found Theondre's face right away, his eyes full of worries.

"What happened?" He asked. I tried to remember everything that has happened before.

Theondre was torturing the old king. I fainted.

My cheeks heats up with embrassment, for my stupid action. Why do I have to be so weak hearted? I killed many people on that war and yet I couldn't stand someone's being tortured to death?

Theondre seemed to understand, as he cupped my face in his hand.

"I'm sorry" he said softly. "I know you hated that sort of thing, but I let my emotion get the best of me. I'm sorry" he apologized, his face sad from the guilt.

"What?" I asked, bewildered. I sat up, glaring at Theondre. "It's not your fault. I'm weak. I should've been stronger. I passed out because I can't handle something that you and other men can easily do. Don't apologize for something that's not your fault" I said angrily.

I wasn't angry at Theondre, no. I was angry at myself. I hated the fact that I have too many weaknesses, too many things to be afraid of. Why can't I be like other soldiers? Strong, brave, warriors through and through?

I gritted my teeth. I feel like I wanted to cry, but I hold on. "I shouldn't be angry at you" I managed. Theondre looked up, his eyes finding mine.

"It's okay. Probably next time, we'll understand each other more and avoid doing things that made us uncomfortable" he said, offering me a smile.

I melted into his arms, my heart's beating fast. Theondre was kind enough to ask for something like this. He wanted to know more about me. No, he wanted to find out about everything in me. Things that I probably didn't even knows or understand.

I wasn't comfortable with him torturing someone. I didn't like war. Everything about me was not much of a warrior. What if he finds out about it all? What if he finds my weaknesses and decided that I wasn't worthy enough to be in his army?

"Hey" Theondre called me. I looked up, finding his golden eyes soaring with so much love it could burn.

"I love you. No matter what you did, I'm still going to love you. It's on you, wether you'll continued on fighting as a warrior in the next wars, or choosing to change and find something new" he said sternly.

"I still want to be a warrior. I just... " I lose my voice. Should I tell him that I hate torture? Would that makes me weak?

"You're just...?" He asked, urging me to continued on.

I hesitated for a while, but Theondre was not the kind of person who would judge someone on their personal beliefs, as long as it's not endangering his life.

Besides, he was still holding me. One of his hand holding me tightly, his fingers running through my hair in a calming way.

"I... Hate torture. I hate seeing it. I realized I have grown stronger, for I can kill without feeling too guilty over it, but not torture. Not yet" I told him. Not yet. I know I will overcome it. I have to. Especially if I wanted to stay with Theondre. Especially if I wanted to be by his side not just when he's Theondre, but also when he's King. I need to be strong. Theondre was forced to be strong since he was still young, torturing criminals and sentencing them to death are something that he's used to. He can't have someone too weak beside him. I need to be strong for him.

"Just like I've said before, it's my fault. I let my emotion gets the best of me" he said, his expression changing into that of disgust, "I am disgusted, at myself.Not just for what I've done,but more to what I've felt when I was torturing him" he said, squeezing his eyes shut.