War Of Hearts (#1stBook of Heart's Series)

Chapter 16

I was in dilemma.

I've been working my ass off for my entire life---- for this. For war. I trained everyday in order to became a better fighter, a better soldier.

But I have tasted war and blood.

I didn't expected the rush of fear... Fear of becoming someone that's not human. Fear of losing my heart in war.

I wonder how people do it. I wonder how Theondre did it.

He wasn't afraid... Not the slightest bit. He fought like a god, not mortal.

I didn't go to the next attack. And Theondre kept his promise... It was okay for me not to go. I needed space to clear my head. But I have heard how great he was, how he was unbeatable in war.

When he's back, he was drenched in his enemies's blood. His eyes were wild, excitement and adrenaline rushing through his veins.

He kissed me passionately the moment he spotted me, as if he wanted to share his excitement with me.

Later that night, in our tent, he told me how it goes.

"It was crazy. Blood was everywhere. It was way much more savage than the first fight. But no one was good enough to scratch me" he said proudly,"I have never felt so powerful. I killed everyone on my way"

"That's amazing" I whispered uneasily. Theondre's eyes widen, full of worried as he looked right through my eyes. "I'm sorry, I got too carried away" he said, turning on his side so he could face me, his hand softly caressing my cheek.

"No" I cracked, "I'm weak, Theondre" I confessed, tears were already in the bring of my eyes. "Love... You're not weak" he said, using his thumb to brushed my tears away.

"I am. I wanted to do it. Going to war... I wanted to make a name for myself. But killing people... It hurts me more than I thought" I said, leaning closer to him, until our faces were only inches away.

"Then do it. You're stronger than you thought, Nein. I know what you're afraid of. But you won't lose your heart in war. You just have to set it aside for a while, until the war is over, and you can put your heart in front of you again" he said.

"It's not that easy" I said softly. "I know" he answered, his fingers running through my hair. "But you won't know until you tried" he said.

We were quiet for a while, until I looked up to his eyes, and I found nothing but love there. This was the eyes of a man who killed many people in a war, and he still loves greatly.

"One more time" I said at last. "I wanted to try one more time" I told him. "If you're sure about it, go ahead. Think it through" he advised. I nodded, "I just... Don't want to waste my dream away. I wanted to be powerful too" I said. "Deep down inside... I still wanted to be the commander in chief"

Theondre smiled, "you have a big dream, Nein. But that's okay. If you really wanted to try it again... Stay by my side. The next fight will come in a week. I will be able to protect you" he said. "And I will be able to protect you too" I said, smiling.

Theondre smirked, "that's my smile. Too tired for a round?" He asked casually. I shrugged, "yeah. I think... I'd rather cuddle with you instead" I said.

Theondre hold me tighter, kissing the top of my head. "Cuddle away, love".

Theondre promised me he would helped Emei. We still tried to find ways to helped her, though. Theondre didn't wanted people to looked at him as a family - destroyer... And the fact that Hassutta was a powerful man with many allies in the country, and he can used this as one of the reason to rebel and took the crown for himself.