Amnesia (Camren)

Chapter Thirty

Camila

"I can't do this anymore, Lauren!"

Those six little words had been replaying in my head ever since I had yelled them at Lauren. I couldn't stop hearing them echo in my head the same way they had echoed in my room the day I said them. That whole day had been a mess if I say so. Things were not meant to turn out like that. It should have gone the other way. It would have been the sensible thing to do. It's what I had been wanting.

Yet.

To be honest, if, given the chance to go back and fix it, I wouldn't. She had given me the opportunity on a silver platter and I denied it because I was tired. I had been striving all this time to make up for past mistakes and instead of snatching her up and making her mine, I walked away. There were a million reasons to stay and finally let everything fall into place. However, there were also a million reasons to finally walk away for good. And it was time to let those reasons be good enough excuses for me. It was time to let myself heal. My heart, my body, and my soul deserved to heal from the years of abuse I had put them through. Love had brought me too much grief. Love wasn't only meant to hurt. Love was meant to bring us happiness as well. I wasn't sure if that was possible between Lauren and me at this point.

So instead of letting myself worry about what was going on, I focused on the collaboration with Machine Gun Kelly. The song was going to feature an interpolation of Out of My Head by Fastball which would be the hook. I was pretty excited for this little side project. I was glad to have something to occupy my mind during these troubling times.

"We're a sad, depressing bunch of individuals sitting in a dressing room, in the venue we're performing at, and we're ignoring each other for stupid reasons instead of creating memories."

For the first time in weeks, practically since I had told them about my plan B, Ally spoke to us all. Tension was high. Emotions were scattered. Loyalty was nowhere to be found. We were exactly what Ally had described. Lauren and I weren't speaking to each other. Ally and Dinah barely spoke a word to the rest of us. Lauren and Dinah still weren't talking since Lauren blew up on Dinah. Normani and I were the only ones who were talking to one another. If you could call it talking. We both were a mess. I was sulking from breaking off things for good with Lauren and Normani was beyond sulking from her little impromptu break-up Dinah.

"Whatever it is you're trying to do Ally, I'm out. I can't do this right now." Lauren's tone was low and monotone. The usual rasp and happiness were notably absent. Her eyes were cast down and didn't dare to look at any of us. "Keep me out of whatever you want to bestow upon us. I don't deserve it."

Lauren got up from the chair she had been sitting on with her phone in her hand and walked away from the dressing room. Seeing her walk away, leaving the dressing room in such a morose mood only brought on memories of all the times we had both done that. In laughter, bitterness, anger, loneliness, in love, jealous, elated, etc. Our sentiments were spread throughout the world, at different venues, buses, airplanes, hotel rooms, interview rooms, cars. Those sentiments were scattered like ghosts and more than likely haunted those places. And in the dead of the night, they gathered and in unspoken words, they whispered on the walls so that those who stepped inside the four walls would hear the walls speak all the things we were unable to say out loud. Those locations spoke volumes about the love we dare not entertain. At least that is what my romantic side liked to ponder from time to time.

"I know we've all said things we didn't mean and I think it's best that the four of us clear the air while Lauren is away from the room."

"There's nothing to say, Ally," Dinah said flatly. Her body language screamed she was annoyed with the topic that Ally had brought up. I was sure Google Earth could capture it. Anyone on this Earth could see that Dinah was uncomfortable and really not delighted with Ally's suggestion.