Love Is Blind [boyxboy love story]

[Part 2] Chapter Thirteen: Geliophobia - Fear of Laughter

Part 2: To Be Feared

"And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,
'Cause most of us are bitter over someone.
Setting fire to our insides for fun,
To distract our hearts from ever missing them."

- Daughter: Youth

Chapter Thirteen: Geliophobia – Fear of Laughter

♪ Adam’s POV ♥

I always had a weird fascination with the number four.  Mainly because it holds so much.  There’s four sides of a picture, four numbers in the year I was born, four people in a witch’s coven, four elements, four directions, four seasons… There is four main things in this world.  There also was the sick loving with four letter words:  Life.  Lies.  Pain.  Sane.  Free.  Sick.  Born.  Hurt.  Dead.  Love.  Adam.  Of course, I soon learned there was also four different kinds of people.

            There are the people who promise things and they hold out on their promises.  There are the people who try to hold out promises.  There are the people who don’t try to keep them at all.  Then there are people who don’t try to promise anything at all.

            There are four directions to each person.  The people who, “I will love you forever.”  The people who, “I will never hurt you.”  And the people who, “I will always be there.”

            They are promises.  And promises are meant to be broken.

            But I meant to keep this promise.  I promise never to fall in love.  Especially with what happened.  I’ve tried to forgive and forget.

            I’m not saying that Ethan ruined my life, he is actually the reason I gave.  It also wasn’t the guy I fell in love before Ethan, who turned on me and got me shunned my foster family.  It was the guy after Ethan, the guy who literally hated me in front of his friends and then fell in love with me in the closet.  It wasn’t the guy after him, the guy who loved me and then broke up with me so he could date his teacher – who he’d been cheating on me with for the last several weeks of our two year relationship.  It wasn’t the actor who was using me as practice so he could get used to playing a gay guy in the latest movie.  It was none of the guys I knew.  All of them were failures but it didn’t stop me to falling for the one after the other, because I had hope.

            It was when I was kicked out of my foster home.  I lived in the college dorm until my foster parents refused to pay tuition and I was kicked out of my boarding house.  It took two weeks before the school refused to take me, but those last two weeks counted to me.  I arrived to class, I took notes, and I paid close attention.  I didn’t make friends, the teachers barely knew me, and the principal disliked me for my sexuality.

            I remember sitting in my last class, my literature class.  I was staring intently at the teacher, writing everything down.  She was going on about the “Cinderella” character.  She talked about Jane Eyre who was a lot like me.  She was orphaned and unwanted by all, tossed out like trash.  Then in the end, she was in the arms of a rich man who wanted her more than life itself.  Then the story ended.  It just ended.  Her life was unimportant now she was wanted, now that she was happy.  Not that the readers minded though.  They wanted her to have a happy ending.  But somehow in the back of my mind, I always wondered how the ending could ever be happy.

            The teacher bragged about how it transitioned but I can’t help and wonder why she does not question the ending.  Life is never like the novels I read.  Stories were “happily ever after” every time, of course there are ending that upset us but somehow the story is that it has to resolve.  But life never resolves.  Life can be cruel, holding large plot holes.