Safety Pin ; Cielois

Chapter 30 - Void

Point of view : Alois

Each day is harder than the previous one. How could you leave me this way Ciel ? We had still so much left to live together. Our love was still growing. It was only the beginning... Why does fate keeps getting at me ? Why does everything I love gets taken away from me ? I can't believe it. I have so much trouble surviving. That's the exact word, surviving. I no longer live, I survive.

I smoke and I drink all the time. I even tried to kill myself a few times by overdosing. Obviously , there's nothing to do , I'm still here. But today , I'm leaving.

I can't do it Ciel. I'm sorry, I can't wait for my time to come.

- Forgive me, but I will soon join you, my love ...

A small smile appears on my lips. I love you Ciel, if only you knew how much! I never thought I would have such feelings.

I'm tired Ciel, exhausted ! I can't live without seeing you, without your kissess, without your shy "I love you"s , without your kind words ? without your smile or your dark eyes. I can't bear a world without you.

I finally get up, slowly. My legs feel heavy not only because of the alcohol, but also because of the fatigue.

Everytime I close my eyes , I see your face and it shatters me a little more .
I sometimes regret getting in your car but then I think that it's the day my life has changed and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I tried Ciel, I really tried. Tears roll on my cheeks. A month, I held on for a month. But now it's over.

I've been sitting on the edge for hours , contemplating my own death.
legs dangling off the void . Our bridge, the one that brought us together.

At that time, I was devastated. I felt empty. No feeling, no one counted in my eyes. I was so numb and done with life . At that moment, all I wanted to do was to jump, to die. But then you arrived.

I still see you coming from nowhere and convincing me not to jump, but it will never happen again. In the end I'm back to the starting point, and who will save me this time? No one.

I'm sorry for Sebastian, but I'm tired.

I'm sorry Mom.

My hands are shaking softly.

A strange feeling envelops me. I finally feel good, relieved. I close my eyes and see Ciel's face. I feel so close to him when I'm so close to death.What a sweet sensation.

I wipe the tears on my cheeks . I'm ready. My heartbeat is strangely slow and my body has stopped shaking.

I spread my arms and feel the air on my body. Even the wind pushes my body towards the void. I close my eyes and breathe slowly.

Ciel , Luca , Mom, I'm coming !

- I forbid you from doing that! Someone shouts and makes me come out of my torpor.

Sebastian, ! It can't true , what is he doing here god damn ! This scene hurts me, it reminds me of my unreal encounter with Ciel.

- Leave me alone !

Whatever he says, I'll jump! I turn around completely to look at him one last time.

- Thank you for your support. I close my eyes and breathe for the last time, letting myself fall.