Safety Pin ; Cielois

Chapter 29 - Between two worlds

A week later
Point Of View : Sebastian

- It's going to rain down on us soon. Vincent mutters

He's right. The weather is hanging low, heavy with the promise of rain. It's freezing cold, and my muscles are numbed for we have been standing in this gloomy cemetery for hours. Aunt Rachel is grabbing my arm and has been crying hot tears continuously since god knows how long.

- Why...

Uncle Vincent has his head bowed down and a unreadable expression stuck to his face.

Ciel must be laughing from where he is. His parents parents have always pretended to love each other, and now that their son is dead, they finally look closer.

There's a lot of people gathered here this morning. Too many of them, that Ciel didn't know or had seen once in his whole life, yet they all have their heads down and pretend to be sad because they are part of the family. The kind of thing that would disgust him.

It makes me crazy. They didn't even know who Ciel was, they didn't know why he was no longer living with his parents, they didn't know what and who he loved.

- He didn't deserve this. I overhear a distant cousin say.

There might have been less false pretenses if they had known he was fond of alcoholic beverages, in love with a man and that he abhorred that same family that had gathered in his honor. They shed tears and pronounced hypocrites, generic farewell speeches, but couldn't care less about him.

- He was so young... Says somebody.

I stare at Alois, who is sitting on a tree trunk, away from the ceremony. It doesn't feel like he belongs here. He is clad all in black, from head to toe. He looks terrible and is smoking. Seeing how his features tighten as he pulls on his cigarette, it wouldn't surprise me that it wasn't a simple cigarette. He is falling, is he letting himself die. He looks truly shattered.

I never liked Alois, but the last thing Ciel asked me was to take care of him and not let him kill himself. And that's exactly what he was doing.

I do not intend on giving up Ciel's dying wish. Even if I don't think I realize it yet. Realize I'm burying my best friend, my cousin, my buddy, Ciel.

- How could something like that happen ... cried Rachel. I tenderly kissed her on the forehead.

- It happened, that's all ... I whispered back.

A slow internal bleeding that went unnoticed by the doctors until the fatal moment. Why? Why? Wasn't it their fucking job to notice it? I felt so angry and powerless when I learned it. Ciel was dead, and there wasn't anything I could have done about it. It all feels unreal. A few days ago, he was alive and just fine... How could this happen so fast? How can the future change so drastically and escape our control in a matter of seconds?

I couldn't believe it, wouldn't admit it.

Once the ceremony is over, I go back to my apartment and collapse on my bed.

I feel so guilty about the way I behaved these last few months. I had already lost Ciel before the morning he died. We used to be so close. And I ruined that. Because I didn't want to see him kiss a boy. Now I realize I just spoilt the happiness he's always been trying to achieve.