A Better Love (Jacquees Love Story)

Loving you....

My whole body was hurting and I felt so tired and weak. It felt like I had been through hell and back. As I struggled to open my eyes against the bright lights I knew I wasn't in my bed. Once my eyes were fully opened and I looked to my left and saw Que in a chair asleep next to my bed. I then realized I was in the hospital and everything came flooding back to me. Tears streamed down my face silently as I thought about what I had experienced. I tried turning my body over on my side but the pain was unbearable. I must have groaned too loud because Que instantly woke up.

When I looked in his eyes I saw nothing but hurt but what stood out the most was the love he had for me. I knew he loved me because I loved him too. He rose from the chair and stood by my bed giving me a weak but sincere smile.

"How are you feeling?" He asked while grabbing my hand.

"I am really sore and I am so tired."

"Where is everybody else?"

He looked down and then back up at me. I knew then that it was something that he wasn't telling me. I had a feeling that whatever it was wasn't going to be good.

"They are here but they wanted me to have this time with you because there is something that I need to tell you."

I looked at him and waited for him to say something. He finally begin to talk.

"January did you know that Taurus was married and has been for the last four years?"

I just blinked because at that moment I didn't know what to do or say.

"Was that his wife that did this to me?"

"Yes baby it was. I am so sorry you had to go through this but I have something else that I need to tell you."

"Okay Que you know you can tell me anything right?"

He caressed my cheek looking deep in my eyes then I noticed a tear slid down his cheek. I knew that it had to be bad for him to be shedding tears. That had my heart rate speeding up.

He sighed deeply before saying the last thing in the world I was expecting. "Baby you were....um...you...were pregnant but the baby didn't make it."

I flinched as if he had physically slapped me. I laid there looking at him like he had said something that was foreign. Hell at that moment I felt foreign.

"I..was...going to have a baby. No, wait I was on the pill." I froze because I remembered that with all that had been going on over the last month I had missed taking my pill for like a week.

"Que I'm sorry I didn't know." I said crying blurring my vision.

"No baby don't cry it is not your fault." He said as tears streamed down his face. He leaned over letting the railing down and lifted me up holding me as I held him crying. We both shed tears of hurt, pain and loss. While we were having our tender moment a man I didn't recognize walked in. He stood back watching the moment. Que reluctantly let me go and he looked deep in my eyes and kissed me on the lips. Before he walked away he said. "I love you." Before I had a chance to respond he had walked out leaving with this man who I didn't know. He stared at me with a tenderness that made me feel like he was my protector.

"Who are you?"

He smiled walking closer to my bed.

"January I am you father. Ryan Anderson."

"Daddy." I said.

He smiled tenderly and held me close to his chest as I cried. I had cried so much but I had reason to. I had been through a lot and if felt good to have my daddy after all this time here with me.

After he finally let each other go he stared at me as I stared at him. I now knew where I got my hazel eyes from. There was so much that I wanted to say and wanted to know but I really didn't have time to do so. We talked and got to know more about each other. In the midst of our conversation my sisters and my cousin walked in. They each came and hugged me.

"Hey dad." Raynesha and Rayliyah said.

"Hey sweethearts." He said giving each of them a hug.

Alicia went and gave my dad a hug and thanked him for saving my life. This was the first time that I had heard about this.

"Daddy you found me?"

"Yes and that's all you need to know. I will tell you that at a later time. I looked down because I had an announcement that I needed to make. I know that they were going to hate me for what I was about to say but this is what I need to do.

"Listen I need to tell you guys something."

They looked at me expectedly waiting to see what I was going to say. Before I said anything I thought about Que and him loving me. I loved him too but I felt that at this time he needed, no deserved so much better. I felt like I was a problem that he didn't need.

"As soon as I get released from here I am leaving going to LA."

They looked at me like I was crazy but before all the questions could be shot at me I spoke up again.

"I have to do this but I don't want to see Que before I go. It will only make it harder for me. I love Que with all my heart but he deserves better than me. I just need time to get my life back together."

"January please don't go now." Alicia said on the brink of tears.

I started crying then because this was killing more than each of them could ever know. I mean I was planning on leaving anyway Que knew this but I forgot that I never mentioned it to anyone but Que.

"Look guys this has been in the works even before all this happened but now I am leaving sooner than planned."

My father just looked on and I could see the hurt in his eyes and I knew that he felt like he had just got  a chance to interact with me and now here I was about to leave.

"Daddy I still want us to get to know each other and create a bond but right now I gotta get myself together mentally and emotionally."

He nodded and left the room. Ray and Nesha just looked at me because they didn't know what to say. I needed to talk to my mom and my brother but I knew that wasn't going to be right now. Right now I just needed time to think and figure shit out.

"I am not trying to be rude but I really need some time alone. If you see Que tell him to go home and get some rest because I just need to be alone for a while."

They gave me hug and left looking lost and hurt. That is how I was feeling. I laid in the bed looking up at the ceiling as I replayed everything starting with high school up until this point. I cried and cried because I felt like I didn't know who I was anymore. I felt like I didn't deserve Que's love. He deserved better and the sooner I get out of here and get on my way he can find better.

Damn I thought to myself. I was really caring Que's baby and I lost it. I would be still carrying his child had I known that I was involved with someone that had a crazy wife. I feel so lost and confused. I have to say that throughout this ordeal Que has really been there for me and I will always love him for being there but like they say its better to have loved than to have lost. And when you really love someone let them go and that is what I was doing so he could find someone that could give and be everything that he needed. I will always love Jacquees no matter what but I feel that my love isn't strong enough to make this work because I am emotionally weak. I will always be loving you and only you....