First Kiss - A Lawson FanFic

Chapter 7 - Phonecall

The ride back home in Joel's Volvo was awful. To go from emotions of affection and raw attraction towards Joel, to not wanting to be near him was disorientating. We sat in silence, listening to the moan of the car's engine, and the rush of traffic. Finally Joel broke the silence.

"Ellie, I am really sorry. What Ryan said..." He shook his head, "It must have sounded awful." I didn't respond, just continued staring at the road ahead.

"I just want you to know that it's not like that. How I feel about you is how I've never felt about anyone before." He paused, to look at me, "Ellie? Please say something." I swallowed.

"I just need some time, okay?" My voice sounded hoarse. Joel nodded.

"I understand. And, again, I am so sorry." He sounded so sincere, I almost forgot why I was so upset. But I reminded myself that I didn't want to be manipulated again.

We were only around 2 minutes from my house, and for some reason I really didn't want Joel to pull into my drive, or see my house.

"Just pull over here," I directed quietly. Joel looked at me, confused.

"You're sure?" I nodded, just wanting to get out of the car; my feelings towards Joel were all over the place, and I wanted to get away from him before I did something stupid.

Joel pulled over to the pavement and the car came to a gradual halt.

"Thanks," I muttered, and began to open the car door.

"Ellie, wait," Joel said, and reached across the middle section to grasp my hand. I turned back to face him, waiting.

But all he did was reach over and plant a kiss on my cheek.

"I'll text you," was all he said before I got out of the car and he drove away.

*****

At home, after explaining to Mum what happened, I sat in my room at my keyboard trying to play something. To my annoyance, I kept playing the chords for Red Sky, which just caused me to think of Joel teaching me to play, and kissing him, and the feel of his back against my fingers...

My phone buzzed. I ignored it.

I heard my bedroom door crack open, and Mum's head poke through.

"Can I come in?" she asked. I nodded. She came over and sat on my bed.

"Ellie, I know you're hurt, but you need to hear Joel out." I stared at her, shocked.

"What? But you were always the one to warn me about boys, and how they hurt you. I know what Dad did to you, Mum." She just shook her head.

"I've been wrong. Your dad was different; even after I gave him chances again and again, he still hurt me."

"But Mum, what Ryan said about Joel..."

"Hey," she said gently, "he's probably exaggerating. And you don't know Joel's side to the story." I sighed; I guess she was right.

"Okay," I said.

"Just talk to him. I love you." She got up, kissed my forehead and left.

Bracing myself, I reached across for my phone, and opened the text from Joel.

I'm sorry things were left the way they were. I never wanted to hurt you and I really want to clear the air. I really care about you, Ellie. Please call me. Joel xxx

I bit my lip, debating how to reply. And then I decided to just call him. He picked up on the third ring.

"Ellie?" I could hear the impatience in his voice. I cleared my voice.

"Yeah. Hi."

"Hi," he said softly.

"Hi," I said again.

"Hi." I could hear him chuckle. "It's so good to hear your voice again."

"You too," I said honestly.

"I'm going to explain what Ryan meant, okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay," I heard him take in a breath. "The thing with me and Ryan is, well, a while ago, like 5 months ago, he broke up with his girlfriend. They had been going out for over a year."

"Go on," I said, unsure of where this was going.

"None of us had met her, so we didn't know who she was. I, um, met her at a nightclub, just under a month after her and Ryan broke up."

"Oh," I whispered, as I began to understand.

"And I, er, brought her back to mine, and Ryan walked in on us. He was furious. It was awful. So now he always feels the need to check who I'm, you know, with or whatever."

"But Joel," I said, "that's not what upset me. I felt like I was just another girl you'd led on. That I wasn't anything special to you." There was a long pause, as Joel took in what I said.

"What Ryan said wasn't... Completely true. But things happen. We go out, get drunk and then... yeah. But it's never special. And even though it's not, I wake up every day wishing I had someone lying next to me who I really care about, who cares about me. And the closest thing I can get to that is one night stands. And I know, God I know that it's a shit excuse, but it's the only explanation I have. And I'm sorry for that. But since I met you..."

"Yeah?" I ask softly.

"I've felt different. Like I'm done waiting around for someone." I frowned; his words sounded genuine, but there was something I needed to ask.

"If you just want to be with me for, you know, that-"

"What? Sex? No, Ellie, no way. It's not like that. I meant someone to hold, someone to be with, someone to-" He swallowed. "Someone to love."

I looked up at the ceiling as tears welled up in my eyes.

"Are you still there?" He asked. I sniffed.

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Are you... Crying?"

"Joel, that was the most beautiful thing someone has ever said to me."

"Really?" he asked, obviously flattered.

"Yeah. And Joel, if you need someone like that, it would be a privelidge to be that person."

"I'd love that too."

"Okay," I said, smiling.

"Okay." He said. There was a pause as we listened to each other breathing. "Shall we meet again tomorrow to talk it over with Ryan?"

"Yeah, okay," I said, relieved, "but please do most of the talking."

"Of course," Joel said. Then Mum called for dinner.

"I gotta go," I said into the phone.

"Aw, okay," he said, sounding sad.

"I'll text you later," I said.

"Same. Miss you already."

"Miss you too," I said laughing, and I hung up.

I sighed; I was really starting to fall for Joel.