The following ten points are a game plan for purity. Without them, I do not know how any of us will succeed. But with them, all things are possible.
1. Admit the problem and set the goal.
By nature, men do not like to admit their problems. When it comes to impurity, we must pray for the humility to see the state of our souls. We all struggle in this area, and we need God's grace to change.
As for the goal, the Bible tells us that there should not be even a hint of immorality among us (Eph. 5:3). This is certainly difficult, but all men like a good challenge.
If you struggle with porn or masturbation, you may have become so entrenched in these habits that giving them up for years seems impossible. Do not give in to discouragement. Instead, set reachable goals for yourself, such as, "I'm not going to do it for two days, for a week, or for some period of time that I know I can reach." You will gain confidence in your ability to be pure if you focus on the next twenty-four hours instead of the next ten years. God asks only that you be pure one day at a time.
2. Remove the temptation.
If we are serious about living a pure life, we need to take an honest look at when and where we fall. For many guys, it's at home when they're alone and bored after school or work or when they're at their girlfriend's house.
Regardless of the time or place, if you wish to make purity easier, avoid the situations that are an occasion of sin. Avoid relationships with girls who will only bring out the worst in you. Instead, date a woman with high standards, someone you can see yourself marrying. Talking about standards of purity can be awkward if you hardly know the girl. That's why it's so important to have a solid friendship with a girl before you commit to her.
We all need solid friends. As Proverbs 27:17 says, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." Seek out friendships that will make you stronger, not weaker. I recently met a young man who said it was difficult to stay pure. His friends would get him drunk and then try to get him to lose his virginity to a girl he hardly knew. With friends like this, who needs enemies?
Lastly, get rid of any impure things you own. Without one last look, trash them. If you struggle with Internet porn, get a filter for your computer or take advantage of an accountability site like If you take these steps, your temptations will gradually weaken. Imagine your desires if you haven't seen porn in a year. The memories will begin to fade, and the soul will regain its strength.
3. Go to confession.
One way to replace your bad habits with good ones is to go to the sacrament of reconciliation at least once a month. By receiving the sacrament, you not only get your sins removed, you get abundant graces to avoid those sins in the future. Find a good priest who can be your spiritual director, and be open and honest with him. In the words of Pope John Paul II, "In order to see Jesus, we first need to let him look at us."24
4. Receive the Eucharist.
Never abandon the Mass. It is the fountain of purity. When Elijah was about to embark on a long journey, an angel said to him, "Arise and eat, else the journey will be too great for you" (1 Kgs. 19:7). In the same way, we need the grace that comes from the Eucharist to persevere in purity.
St. John Chrysostom said, "The Eucharist is a fire that inflames us, that, like lions breathing fire, we may retire from the altar being made terrible to the devil."25 In the Eucharist, we find every grace that is needed for us to live as angels. If you are able, go to daily Mass. This practice is for those who have nothing better to do—which, in my eyes, is all of us.
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Pure Manhood
SpiritualHOW TO BECOME THE MAN YOU ARE MEANT TO BE... Everyday boys and young men are bombarded with messages and images that encourage them to make sexual impurity a way of life. And since it looks so much fun, they can easily be made to feel as if t hey'...
