I recently met a wife who was a virgin when she married, but her husband had slept around. At the time of their wedding, neither of them knew that he was infected with herpes, human papillomavirus (HPV), chlamydia, and gonorrhea. As a result, his wife and their babies were infected with herpes. She underwent treatment to prevent cervical cancer caused by HPV, and she lost her ability to have more children because of the damage the other sexually transmitted diseases had caused to her reproductive organs.
Some guys may read that and assume that "safe sex" would have prevented it. But all four of these STDs can be transmitted during "safe sex." Scientifically speaking, safe sex is a joke. For example, HPV is the most commonly transmitted STD and is spread by skin-to-skin sexual contact in the entire genital region, including the surrounding thighs and groin.13 Even hand-to-genital contact can spread this STD.14 The Centers for Disease Control reported to Congress that "most studies on genital HPV infection and condom use did not show a protective effect."15 It's disappointing that condom labels fail to mention that they offer minimal protection from HPV, especially considering that most sexually active women have been infected with HPV.16
Any guy who relies on a condom for protection should meet a friend of mine who used a condom every single time and caused seven pregnancies!
I'd recommend something radically different than the message of "protecting" yourself: Don't protect yourself. Forget yourself, and protect your bride. Protect your future children, should God bless you with them. Protect your bride by waiting for her, and protect your kids by guarding the health of their mother. The only 100 percent safe way to accomplish this is through purity.
Besides, if you have to "protect" yourself at the moment when you're supposedly making a gift of yourself, something is wrong. Why is there fear? Are you afraid that if she conceives, the world will no longer revolve around you? Are you afraid that this is how your firstborn child is going to come into the world? If you are not ready to be a father, then you are not ready for sex. This is why a condom is an external sign of internal egoism: You are protecting yourself. Manhood is found in total self-giving, not in hiding behind a barrier. Wait until God blesses you with a bride, and then be free and unafraid to give yourself to her totally.
In the meantime, consider this: If you're being called to marriage, do you want your future bride practicing "safe sex" tonight? Odds are that you'd prefer that she save herself for you. Trust me—she hopes you are doing the same for her.
"Why would God give us all these desires if we're not supposed to act on them?"
Your urges can help train you in love and faithfulness. With chastity, you're able to rise above the urge of your hormones, the invitations on the Internet, the ridicule of your peers, the pressure of a date, or the enticement of an affair in marriage. With chastity, none of these things has control over you, and you are free to love. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church says:
The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy.17
Our sexual urge has the power for both life and destruction, and every boy who wishes to become a man must learn to use his interior strength. If he does not, he may leave a trail of damaged and discarded women in his wake.
If we resist temptation, we also earn merit in heaven. The Bible assures us that God "will repay everyone according to his works: eternal life to those who seek glory, honor, and immortality through perseverance in good works" (Rom. 2:5–7, NAB). Although temptations may seem overwhelming, St. Paul assured us:
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you to be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. (1 Cor. 10:13).
Temptation also gives us an opportunity to pray. Imagine how much more you'd pray if you turned to God at each temptation! Temptation also allows us to grow in humility as we realize how weak we are. When a child senses danger, he clings more tightly to his father. In the same way, our temptations should remind us that we need to be united to God in order to live a pure life.
Finally, temptations give us an opportunity to prove our love for God. In fact, the word temptation comes from the Latin tentare, which means "to test." Temptation is a test of love. By fighting well, we prove our loyalties andgive glory to God. After a temptation, you will be either closer to God orfurther from him. The choice lies with you. If you choose well, your rewardwill be nothing less that God himself. As St. Francis of Assisi said,"Temptation overcome is, in a way, a ring with which the Lord espouses the soulof his servant to himself."18
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Pure Manhood
SpiritualHOW TO BECOME THE MAN YOU ARE MEANT TO BE... Everyday boys and young men are bombarded with messages and images that encourage them to make sexual impurity a way of life. And since it looks so much fun, they can easily be made to feel as if t hey'...
