Pure Manhood

"What if you have homosexual attractions?"

Few people, including myself, can grasp the challenges that individuals with same-sex attractions face on a daily basis. A young man who has homosexual attractions may not want them or even know where they're coming from. Perhaps they stem from an unhealthy relationship with his father, difficulties he has experienced in relating to other guys, or even sexual abuse. Perhaps none of this is the case. Perhaps homosexual relationships seem to offer him more genuine feelings of acceptance than he finds elsewhere. Perhaps his first positive sexual experience was homosexual, and acting contrary to such impulses would feel disingenuous.

Whatever the case may be, every man who identifies himself as "gay" is seeking a true need, such as love and acceptance. By acting out through homosexual behavior, he might feel that the need is being fulfilled. After all, every guy needs male approval as part of becoming a man. However, homosexual behavior is a misdirected attempt to meet such needs.

Much like contraceptive sex between heterosexuals, the homosexual act is a dis-order of God's purpose for sex: babies and bonding. Even if a person dismisses God's plan for sexuality, nature's design is hard to ignore. Bodies of same-sex individuals are not designed to receive each other in a sexual way. Even if people have such attractions, their bodies remain heterosexual: physically oriented toward the other (hetero) sex. The sexual act is meant to be life-giving, but because sexual relations between men make them especially susceptible to diseases such as HIV, individuals who engage in such acts are 44 times more likely to be diagnosed with the deadly virus.12 Out of love for those who have same-sex attractions, we should not withhold this information from them.

When others attempt to love them by pointing out the physical or spiritual harm of such behavior, such attempts often leave them feeling discriminated against. While all forms of unjust and uncharitable bigotry should be avoided, one must also guard against a false compassion, which seeks to approve another's behavior, regardless of its moral or physical consequences.

Although we don't choose our attractions, we do choose how we act upon them (and reinforce them). Therefore, regardless of to whom we are sexually attracted, we're all called to practice chastity. Unfortunately, the world tells people who have same-sex attractions that they have two options: hide in the closet in fear or come out by embracing your identity and making your own sexual choices. Acknowledging one's attractions while living a pure life isn't even proposed as a realistic choice, because the world assumes that sex equals love, and no one should have to live without love. However, love does not require sexual expression. Sometimes love even requires the opposite, because loving another means doing what's best for him or her. By practicing chastity, a man with same-sex attractions expresses tremendous love by doing just this.

In order to live a pure life, a man must first realize that no matter what his sexual desires may be, they are not his identity. Every man is a son of God, and that is his identity. This fact does not undermine the reality or intensity of same-sex attractions. It just reminds us that a man does not fulfill his deepest calling by obeying his temptations. While the challenge of living a chaste lifestyle should not be underestimated, nor should one underestimate the graces that God gives to those who trust in him.

Some fear that the Church can offer such individuals only a choice of desolation or damnation. But this isn't true. If you love God and have same-sex attractions, you are not alone. Don't be afraid that holiness requires loneliness. The Church has a network of fellowship for those who experience the same attractions but choose to glorify God with their bodies (www.couragerc.net). God loves you, has a plan for your life, and longs for you to remain united to him—especially when life doesn't seem to make sense. Giving him lordship of this part of your life is not an act of pointless self-denial but rather a generous expression of love for the One who understands you perfectly and loves you unconditionally.