But He's My Teacher

Cracks or roots nevermind I love you

I sit by the island on a barstool cold to the touch as James stood across from me on the other side of the island. I don't know what to say how to start but I have a proposal. I look up at James staring at him staring at me. "I ...I think it would be easier if you told me what you knew and then I can work from there." I say before taking a sip of tea. The steam consumes my face liberating the tension in my face. I look down averting his eyes. I am afraid of what they might say.  "Well I know you were emancipation because your parents couldn't take care of you financially. You have a business that supports you and you were..... you... were molested by a stranger." I bite my tongue, almost tasting blood, waiting for him to finish as I gripped my arm. "You're record said you were in a mental hospital for attempted suicide?"
"There is so much wrong with that!" I exclaim unable to hold back anymore. I grab my head in frustration as my head filled with emotions. This didn't make it easier it made it harder. James must have caught on because I feel him hug me from behind while my head is buried in a pit of knotted ropes of exasperation. I feel a hot breath dance on my ear. "It's ok, take your time" James whispers.
I took a few deep breaths. "I was emancipation because my father rented me out as a child to do sexual favors for his friends so he could buy drugs. My mother was never home but when she found out she got into a large argument with him. During the argument a beer bottle was thrown in my direction. It missed and hit the wall next to me but a piece of glass hit my neck and I was rushed to the ER. They found other scars on my body and my mother tried to cover it by saying I did it to myself. That was when I was 13." Once I got started talking I couldn't stop it felt like a huge weight was being lifted from my shoulders. Eventually we shifted to the couch were I laid my head on his lap as I continued to speak. I didn't look at James much I was to scared of his reactions. After talking about my experience at the mental hospital where I learned to paint and jumping between foster homes with only a small trash bag of belongings to call my own I reached to when I was 16. "...once I turned 16 I was put into a home with a computer there I started posting my art under an alias people liked it and eventually asked if they could buy it. It wasn't long until I earned enough to start a business and then I made enough to win my emancipation case to show I could support my self. By then I was 17 and started planing to move somewhere I could start a new life, my life, and that's how I got here and met you...." I was done. I told him everything. He now knows just how damaged I am. The room fell silent.
I pick up my head from his lap and turned to face him. I am shocked to see him crying quietly. "What's wrong are you ok" I say "I knew I shouldn't have told you. I understand if you don't want to be with me.." I suddenly get tackled and pinned down to the crouch by a red eyed James as he try's his hardest to talk without stumbling on his words. "Don't ever say that Ella. What ever happened in your past can't change how I feel about you. I am not going to say it doesn't matter because it matters to you but to me what matters is the you now. You may think your broken but every crack you think you have is really the roots of your true self wrapping around you making you stronger than you were before." I wrap my armes around his neck pulling his lips to mine only coming up for air and to say "I love you" with that I feel his arm wrap around my waist pulling me into him as he whispered into my ear "I love you too, more than you know." With our bodies pushed together I reached down touching his hard member. "I want you. I want you now."