But He's My Teacher

Hardly breathing

Of course he read my file, he's my teacher. I look down again biting my lip trying to stop the tears. I can feel my body starting to shake furiously. My blurry eyes now blind from tears. My heart feels like it is being ripped out my chest while my stomach feels as though it's being twisted as if it's a wet rag being wrung over a sink. I'm hardly breathing.
What do I do?
What do I do?
What do I do?
What do I do?
"Ella"
What do I do?
What do I do?
"ELLA?... Are you ok"
Suddenly I am shaken. I look up. My tears still blinding me. "I'm sorry" I say fighting the frog in my throat. I can't see his face. I can't see anything. My body still won't stop shaking. I feel James's unmistakable arms lift my feet as he picks me up. I lean my head on his chest gripping his shirt as if my life depends on it. It definitely feels like it. He says something but I can't hear nor understand him. I don't know where I am anymore or where he has taken me. All I know is he is with me and his heartbeat is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. He sets me down somewhere soft before wrapping himself around me without a single word. We stayed liked this for what seemed forever until my heartbeat matched his.

"Are you ok now?" James says. I feel his chest vibrate as he speaks. It tickles my nose. "Y...Yeah" my voice cracks. I clear my throat before I speak again "I'm sorry." My face is burrowed into his chest. I am to afraid and embarrassed to look at him. He probably hates me now. Who would want to be with a person with my past and has anxiety attacks. "For what? You did nothing wrong, Ella." I feel his hand start to caress my head moving down to my cheeks causing me to lift my head to look at him. "I don't know what exactly happened in the past. I only know what the reports say. You can tell me in your own time. You can even not tell me at all. All I want to do is make sure your safe." James spoke with confidence and kindness as if he knows everything is going to be alright. His green daggers for eyes reassured me that. I embraced him tight then released him. "You should know. You need to know. I don't ever want to lie to you again." I said meeting his eyes. I have to be brave.

"James, first can we wash up and get something to drink? I'm dehydrated and a mess." I straighten my back stretching my torso and look around just noticing my surroundings. I am on James's bed sitting on his lap facing him with his hands wrapped around me. While on his lap I start to feel something push against me. It could only be...."I think you read my mind" James said picking me up and placing me off his lap is a swift motion. He stood up still in his work attire. "How about I take a shower while you gather yourself and you can take one after me. After we are in better condition we can talk." James proposed. I quickly agreed. Before hopping in the shower James handed me a glass of water to drink while I sat on his bed. I took this time to gather composure and look around his room. It is very neat. Everything has a place. In a far corner on a bookshelf stood 2 pictures. One I presumed was him and his parents. The other picture was him and a woman with a red dress. When I say woman I mean woman. She was developed far more than I was.

Before I could look any further James walked out of the on-suite bathroom with only a towel wrapped around his lower half. "Sorry I forgot to bring clothes in there with me." He says walking out and heading towards a closet. You never would have guessed that a body like his hid under a shirt. With clothes you wouldn't be able to tell just how sculpted to perfection he was. I bit my lip and couldn't help but stare. Suddenly something hit my face and drops in my hands, a shirt. "You can wear this when you get out of his shower" James says smirking at my reaction. Once I get in the bathroom I see myself in the mirror. I have red eyes, nose and ears and prominent eye bags against my paler face. My clothes are a mess and my hair is treacherous. I take a few deep breathes and hop in the shower. The hot water felt nice and seemed to refresh my body leaving me with less prominent bags and only a slightly red nose. I hopped out of the shower and put on the shirt he handed me. The shirt landed right past my butt and had a wide neck . If I bent down I would expose everything. I put on my underwear a black sheer panty that was practically see through but decided to leave off my bra just in case I have another anxiety attack I could breathe easier. I walk out with my hair tied up in a messy bun to see James with two mugs with tea bags hanging out. "I hoped tea is okay I thought it would be best" he said while handing me a cup. "Thank you I actually prefer it." After I said that I didn't know what else to say or really how to say it. Where do I begin? How much do I say? What's to much? Will he hate me? Is this the end? I gripped my mug. James grabbed my hand easing my frustration saying "It's ok no matter what you say my feelings for you will never change."

"wait till you hear everything before you say that." I replied