Noise Complaint // Alex Ernst

twenty-two

Mara

I don't know if I was more angry or hurt. Just the words he said.. the way he said it. I have to question everything now. Did he even love me? For all I know, I had fallen into his master plan to suck up lonely girls and make a fool out of themselves.

And now, he's going to go to social media and try to turn all of David's viewers and their fans against me. And I had fallen for it. I had fallen for him.

I want to cry but I know that Alex wouldn't want me to. He couldn't possibly want me to go, could he? Did he just see me as a friend? When he said that he loved me, was it as a friend? Did I misinterpret the whole situation?

What about when we kissed? There's no way that he didn't feel anything. I don't believe that. It's impossible. That's so impossible, I can't believe I even thought that.

I didn't let myself cry the whole way home. I couldn't. I turned the music loud enough to drown everything out. I got home, slammed my car door shut, and angrily took the elevator up to my floor.

I took my key out and unlocked the door, finding Liam and his girlfriend, whatever the hell her name is, arguing.

"I need to say bye, Liam. I can't just leave," Andie/April/Abby says. "I'm just leaving. You don't see me calling my parents and telling them I'm leaving, if you say something they'll try to stop you," Liam counters.

"Liam," she sighs and motions to me standing at the doorway. Liam sighs in return. "Essie, you decided?" He asks. I nod. "Yeah,"

"I'm gonna go."

***

The whole night, I couldn't sleep. I am 94% sure that this is the wrong decision but for some reason I couldn't stop myself from going through with it. We're leaving tomorrow night and I don't know what I'm going to do.

I didn't call the landlord yet, I barely started packing. I'm just scared. Scared I'm making the wrong decision but if I stay, I'll be missing out.

I don't like what's going on. I don't think this is the right time to go or the right people. Don't get me wrong, I love Liam a lot. He's my brother, I have to love him. But this isn't right, I just don't feel good about this.

Liam isn't telling me everything and when I asked him about the plans, he barely gave me any information. His girlfriend is extremely sketchy and I don't trust her. I can't spend years with her, I don't like her.

I give up on trying to sleep and wrap my blanket around myself and stand up. I shuffle to the couch and I turn on my TV.

I see Project Runway is on and I press on it, seeing Tim and Heidi talking. I suddenly feel tears forming and my gut drops when I realize I'm alone again. I feel more alone than when I first moved to LA and knew no one.

I lost Alex. I overreacted and got mad and pushed him out of my life. Just like I pushed everyone else out of my life- Noelle, Justin, my parents, Liam.

I want to call Alex. I want to cry into the phone, begging him to come over and tell him that I don't want to leave. To tell him that I'm so madly in love with him and how I don't want to be without him.

But I keep myself from doing it. Because I'm embarrassed. I don't deserve Alex. Alex is such an amazing person, I can't express how great of a person he is. God, this is just like high school all over again.