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Josh woke up to the sound of a man screaming and his kitchen window shattering.

Robberies weren't a rarity in this part of Josh's town, it was pretty much the hood where he lived, so he knew how to arm himself. He got out of bed, grabbed an aluminum baseball bat leaning against his desk, and walked into the hall.

He checked every room, which only consisted of the bathroom and laundry room, before heading down the hall. Loud arguing came from the farthest hall, followed by muffled punches and groans.

Josh stopped at the end of he hallway, seeing a figure in a hood being pummeled by another man in a suit. The man kicked the hooded person in the chest, grinning maniacally.

"Hey," Josh called out, thinking it was just a bunch of drug dealers duking it out in his apartment. "I called the police and I have a baseball bat, so both of you get the hell out of my apartment."

The man stopped his attack and looked up to where Josh stood. The cold, dead look in his eyes sent intense shivers down Josh's spine.

"I'm sorry, sir," the man said in a thick accent that Josh couldn't identify, which made him tense even more. "But the police won't do you or your partner any good."

"My partner? What are you-"

The man cut him off and raised a gun to where the barrel was aimed straight at Josh's head. Josh ducked and jumped back, barely missing getting shot. Bullets ricocheted through the paper thin walls, shattering the stair railing. Josh put his hands over his head, praying to any entity out there that he didn't get hit with one of those bullets.

"Holy shit!" The bat slipped from his hands and rolled down the hall. Josh peeked over his shoulder when the shooting stopped, seeing the man reload his gun. There were dozens of holes in the wall and the stairs, one lodged dangerously close to where Josh stood.

I'm going to die here, Josh thought. I didn't even get to finish that pizza slice in the fridge.

The bat stopped several feet away from the hooded person, who lunged at it. Josh's eyes widened as he stood, raised the bat, and whacked the man over the head with a large thunk.

The man dropped like a rock. Despite the man being knocked out cold and no longer a crazy shooter, the figure hit him again and again and again until the man's head was caved in and a pool of blood formed around his head.

He exhaled and wiped his brow, smearing blood across his forehead. Josh gulped and began to back up into the wall, afraid that he'd attack him next.

"I- I don't have a lot of money, but I could hook you up," Josh pleaded. "There's a dealer on the corner of 32nd street, in the back of the Dominos. Ask for Enrique and that Josh sent you, he'll hook you up. Just please don't bash my head in."

The figure finally noticed him. He pulled off his hood, squinting in Josh's direction.

The man had short brown hair sticking out in every direction. His left eye was swollen shut and the other had a blood red color replacing the white, like a blood vessel had popped in his eye. Blood ran down a corner of the man's mouth, and his forehead was split wide open.

"Who the hell are you?" He asked, tossing the bat to the side. It hit the ground in a loud echoing clang, making Josh flinch. "And where is Jenna?"

"Jenna?" Josh echoed, still frozen in place.

The man nodded, his lips curling in an annoyed look. "Yes, yes, Jenna. Jenna Black. Blonde hair, blue eyes. She's my partner. This is her apartment."

Josh looked at him to see if he was joking. He wasn't. "I think there must be a mistake. This is my apartment. It has been for the past two months."

"No, this is-" the man paused and looked around. He walked into the living room and touched the coffee table. "This is her furniture."

Josh shrugged and scratched the back of his neck. He was curious, too curious for his own good, and kept talking. "Yeah, the last tenant left it when I moved in. I haven't been able to afford any other furniture, so I just kept it."

"What happened to the tenant before you?"

"I- I'm not sure."

The man sighed and rubbed his face, even more blood spreading across his face.

"Well, now that I'm here and we have some time before Weekes gets here, may I use your bathroom? Blood is awfully hard to get off of skin," He asked, already heading up the stairs.

Josh, stunned, stepped back, watching the man cross in front of him and into his bathroom.

His head was still reeling from the past five minutes. A man was lying dead on his kitchen floor, and the man who killed him is showering in his bathroom asking for a mysterious girl.

Sure, he'd seen gang fights firsthand before, but this was no gang fight. This was definitely going to screw up next month's rent.

The man peeked his head out of the door. "I know what you're thinking. Why is some random handsome man using my shower, and why did someone just try to kill him? The man on your kitchen floor is- or rather was- a Russian assassin sent to kill me, of course. It was part of my plan to take down an underground European Mafia, which quite frankly was harder than it may seem. I had to be undercover for three months, learn three different languages, and even let myself be kidnapped by Scandinavian assassins."

"Wait, woah woah woah," Josh held up his hands. "Slow down. You're a spy?"

"Freelancing vigilante, really."

"And you were undercover."

"For three months."

Josh bit his lip. "Right. And you were- you were trying to take down the European Mafia?"

"It was more of a drug cartel, really," Tyler said it casually, as if it was a normal occurrence for him to disassemble drug cartels during his free time. "You know. War dogs, drug lords, political assassination. The usual."

"Wait, did you just say assassination?"

"Well, yes. The attempted assassination of the Austrian Prime Minister, which I successfully thwarted. It was all over CNN, don't you watch the news?"

"Uh, no, actually. I don't have cable."

"Oh." The man frowned. "That's a shame. Well, we'll have to fix that."

"Sorry? We?"

"The police will be here in the eleven minutes, eight if someone heard and reported the gunshots, which I'm sure they have. I'm truly sorry to have barged in like that, I really thought Jenna still lived here."

The man sighed and closed the door again. A couple second went by and he opened the door again.

"My name is Tyler Joseph, by the way. Amateur detective, the crime solving stoner, consulting idiot, whatever they're calling me nowadays. Thank you for letting me use your shower."

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