Back To You | Jerrie

Chapter 30

Perrie

"Hey, want to hit the beach?" I look up at Alex standing at my door smiling. It's still warm and sunny even though it's fall.

"When?" I ask.

"Now? I have this amazing boss, who loves me. And she wants to stare at my luscious body." Alex's eyes sparkle with mischief.

"I'm pretty sure you crossed about a hundred lines of inappropriateness, but I am amazing. Is the schedule clear?"

"Yup! Go home, grab your suit, and I'll meet you at your apartment."

Alex and I have been spending a lot of time together since he's funny, sweet, and actually cares if I take breaks. Plus, he tells me that Taylor calls him to threaten his life daily.

I still haven't heard back from Jade, which has been weighing heavily on my mind. I send her a quick text while I'm on my way home.

Me: Hey, I'm sorry if you're upset.

Jade: I'm not. I'm really busy. There are some big things going on that I'm handling.

Me: I understand.

Jade: We'll talk soon. I love you.

Me: I know, I love you.

Sometimes you can love someone so much, but it isn't enough. It's been two weeks and already whatever I thought we had is dissolving. There is a part of me that knew all of this was going to happen. Loving someone doesn't mean that it'll work out. Plenty of times I thought love was going to make me whole. Zayn for one, I loved him and he showed me how sometimes love is blind, and not in a good way. I loved my father, but that love couldn't conquer his guilt or reasons for staying away.

Then I have the good love. The people in my life who reciprocate love: Leigh-Anne, Taylor, Ellie, and many more. Love shouldn't come with a price. It shouldn't take from you and make you miserable, because then what would you be left with? If I gave up everything for her and it didn't work out ... then what? No matter what the future holds, I know I'm strong enough to handle it.

I get changed and meet Alex outside my apartment. The beach is within walking distance, so we head toward it on foot. The sun warms my skin and I draw a calming breath. The sounds of the seagulls above and the waves crashing soothe my soul.

"Do you miss Jersey?" Alex asks after we find a spot and get comfortable.

I close my eyes and soak in the vitamin D. "I don't know. I miss some stuff but it's fall now and I'm at the beach ... that's pretty amazing. I don't miss the cold."

"So I won't be worrying about you skiing in Tahoe?" he laughs and I join him.

"Definitely not. I will be parked right here until the last beach day possible." I smile realizing I have no clue when that will be. I could get the beach for a lot longer than I even realized.

"Sweetheart, you're going to be a California girl sooner than you planned," Alex teases.

We laugh and he promises to take me around L.A. and we plan a tourist day. The day passes and when I check my phone, I'm brought back to the small piece of me that won't let go of the east coast.

Jade: Today, I miss you more than should be allowed. Today, I hate California. Today, I want to hold you, kiss you, love you. Today, I found one of your shirts.

I type out my response but delete before sending ... Me: Tomorrow, you'll be okay.

Instead I send: