Back To You | Jerrie

Chapter 2

Jade

Another fucking flashback. I can't determine what's reality anymore.

I'm tired of being tired. When I'm in this awake but paralyzed state, I'm battling my mind and my body. I want to tell Perrie what I think and feel. But my goddamn body won't get with the fucking program.

Then the fucking nightmares exhaust my mind. Haunting me with the shooting—forcing me to recall everything over and over. Either I see the bullets ripping through me or I see the aftermath. I'd rather go through Hell Week again—at least there we had fun crawling through dirt and mud.

"It's been four days and she still hasn't woken up, Jesy." Perrie sounds weary and worn.

"I know, Chicky."

"You know I hate that," she replies and I imagine her eyes rolling.

"Yeah, well, since I don't have Muff here to give shit to ... you're the next best thing." Her laughter is short and forced.

I've known her long enough to hear the fear. It's the voice we used when we were on a mission and things were going south. Full of lies but the words we needed to hear to get through it. Sometimes you need reassurance things are going to be fine even though you know they're not. She's doing her best to hold out for her. I must be in worse shape than I imagined.

The small hairs on the back of my hand move when she breathes. The ability to feel it gives me hope I'm coming around. Maybe soon I can open my damn eyes.

"I'm happy I amuse you, Merida." That's my girl. Give it back to the bitch. "When do you have to head back to the States?"

"Soon. I have to make sure the rest of the contracts run smoothly and are under control, but ..." A chair scrapes across the floor. "I can't leave yet, Per. I know I need to, especially with Aaron gone, but ..." she trails off and takes a deep breath. "We only have two other guys who know this shit like we do. I've been with him since day one. This company may have her name, but it has all our blood, sweat, and tears."

Another chair grates making a loud sound. "Is the company in trouble? I can try to do some press stuff from here. Manage the story as much as possible. You know this is what I'm good at. Plus it's my job. I can't fail her." Perrie seems anxious to help. She speaks quickly trying to get her on board.

She must be going out of her mind. Everything in her life stopped so she could be here. I have to wake up. But when I do, will any of it matter? I'll be injured at the very least, and we're broken.

"No, we're okay for now. We have the contract in Afghanistan that's still not in a good place, but I have a liaison in place. What about Raven?"

That stupid company. It's tied to me and bringing me down. If I get rid of it, there's a part of her that goes. If I don't, there's a part of me that will lose everything. Of course, there's the fact that Perrie knows nothing of my past and what it all means. Who the fuck even knows if she'll understand once everything comes to light? She may bolt and I don't know if I'd blame her.

I remember how I felt when that prick, Zayn, showed up at her house saying he was her fiancé. The idea of her being tied to anyone that closely ripped me apart and made me see red. I'm aware others have had a place, but I still hate it.

"Raven is good. Danielle's handling things well. I've released a few updates about her condition, and the shareholders seem to be staying put for now. There hasn't been a dip in the stock either. I have a few people with ears to the ground if anything comes up. I cancelled my meetings with the press for next week. And pushed the launch off." I feel her fingers brush my hair back. "I guess it's a good thing she's my job." Perrie's short laugh is followed by a sob. "God! I just sit here and look at her and ask the same question over and over. Why? Why is this happening? I'm so scared she's not going to wake up. That we won't have a chance to make things right and I c-can't!"