Pain & Pleasure: Perplexed Love {Wattpadprize14}

Chapter 25- Desperate part 1 (edited chapter)

Kyla’s POV

The world was foggy now, cold, empty and without meaning. Nothing seemed pertinent anymore; not enough to care anyway. I could not say how long I’ve been sitting out on Olivia’s front porch, but I knew it had been quite a while seeing as when I finally decided to calm my tears and open my eyes it was already a few hours past noon.

Olivia and the rest of the group had taken their turn trying to get me to come inside, but I just could not find the strength to move. Instead I stayed in my crouched position and glanced towards the direction Liam’s parents car had driven him off to, hoping that, with some intense wishing, he would magically reappear and pull me into his arms and tell me he would never leave again.

Even as I sat wishing for the impossible to happen, I also had time to think about the events that had already happened and the things Liam confessed to me before he left.

The few weeks I’ve lived in Seattle have left me more confused and drained than I have ever been in my entire life. The roller coaster of emotions and all the not knowing that came with Liam just added to my confusion. 

When he said he treated me the way he did all just to keep me and the fact that I was his mate a secret, I was a little shocked. All this time I had wanted to know what was going on inside his head and wishing to know how he genuinely felt about me. To hear him say he felt something for me; that he actually wanted me as I wanted him had me immensely happy but also slightly sad and a little frustrated.

I wasted so much time trying to hate him and trying to push aside my feelings for him. If I would had known what I know now, I would have taken the little moments that we did share and made each and every second last as long as possible. 

I wish he would have trusted me enough to tell me the truth sooner, if he would have then things could have gone differently between us. I would have known why he was acting the way he was and I would not have taken it so hard. I would have known he did not actually mean to hurt me. I would have known he genuinely cared for me.

I could say I was most frustrated with him, not because of what he has done but because after acting like such a jerk for the longest time, he waited until now to be noble and heroic. He waited until now to want to do what was best for me, and in his eyes it seemed what was best for me was for him to obey his parents and marry another.

But even as I thought over everything Liam had done and everything Liam had made me feel, both pain and pleasure, I could not bring myself to hate him. His confession having a lot to do with my reasoning, in fact, if anything I loved him even more.

I’m not saying all his actions leading up to this point have been the right choices, because I still do not agree with the way he went about things, but I do understand now where his head was then.

I understand exactly because I know how it feels to want someone so badly that you will do anything to have just a few moments with them. Even if that meant doing things you would never do otherwise. 

I understand what Liam was going through because I felt the same way now. I long to see him even if just for a split second. I do not blame him... I just miss him.

Pulling my attention away from the end of the drive, I glanced up at the sky and noticed the dark, heavy clouds that were taking their place in front of the sun. It was going to rain soon and the slight coolness of the wind beginning to blow my dark locks every which way was evidence of that.

Deciding that I have sat long enough on the stone step of Olivia’s front porch and not wanting to get drenched by the oncoming rain, I stood up from my spot and walked towards the front door.

Placing my hand on the knob, I gave one last gaze over my left shoulder towards the end of the drive again. Giving a deep, depressing sigh, I stared longingly in that direction until I felt a small rain drop hit my cheek and slide down my face.

This dreary day symbolized how I felt at this very moment... dull, bleak and lifeless; depressed.

The only emotion that gave me any ounce of life was my desperateness. I was desperate for a chance to see Liam again; I was desperate for his touch, but most importantly I was desperate for his love.

I was unable to show my love to Liam, and I was cheated out of being able to see what being loved by Liam felt like. 

I wanted my chance to find out, and I wanted my chance to give my love to him, as well. I was desperate to get Liam back, and all I needed was a plan. I would do it alone if I have to, but I needed to get Liam back... I had to.