He's taking me home today. Eddie is in police custody and won't make bail thank God.
I was quiet. I didn't know what to say. I thought this point in my life was over. Tears streamed down my face. I turned to the window hoping Austin wouldn't see me crying.
"I know you're crying babe. Please let's try and forget it for now. I know it'll come up when we have to go to court but right now you need to relax ok" he said holding my hand tight.
I wiped my tears and tried to tell him something that he should know.
"Austin" I said.
"Yes babe" he said pulling into the drive way.
"He didn't wear a condom. He didn't wear a condom and I don't know if he had anything and he finished inside me multiple times and I don't know. I didn't... I wasn't ready to have sex with him ye-" I said.
"Babe we don't have to go here right now" Austin said grabbing my hands.
"I wasn't ready to have sex with him yet. I was still thinking about you. I have been since we broke up. That night he asked me to have sex. We hadn't done anything yet and he asked me to have sex and I said thank you I'll take that into consideration. I knew I wasn't ready and I knew I really meant no. That night he came to me. He got in my bed and kissed me and all that stuff. He started undressing my and I told him no and I wasn't ready and you know what he said to me" I cried harder than ever.
Actually last time I cried this hard was when my parents first raped me. Austin was quiet. He couldn't look at me.
"He said to me ' I don't care I've waited long enough, and now it's time for me to get what I want' and he said that with a big smile. Almost like he had this planned. I thought I could trust him. And you know how hard it is for me to trust people. I thought that me getting raped was over and that it'd never be an issue in my life again but here I am again" I cried almost shouting as we sat in the car still.
"I can't breathe... I can't breathe...
I can't breathe... I can't breathe" I whispered gradually getting louder.
I was panicking punching hitting and kicking. Austin got out and ran around to my side. He opened the door and pulled me close. He kissed my head trying to comfort me.
How do you comfort someone in this situation. How the hell do you comfort someone who had been raped all their life. You can't. There's no way that you can handle someone in this condition.
I could be pregnant too. The thought crossed my mind again which only made me black out.
