Sincerely, Me {A Dear Evan Hansen FF}

{6}

"You like video games?"

"I don't really, uh, know how to play them very well.." I scratch at the back of my head, standing awkwardly in his room.

"That's okay, we can play an easy one then." He says, looking through his games.

I continue to stand there, not wanting to draw attention to myself. Not wanting to seem awkward. Hoping he didn't think I was awk-

"You can sit down."

"Huh?"

"Get on my bed."

"U-uh.."

Connor blushes and quickly spins around, looking back at the games. "N-not like that!"

"S-sorry!" I quickly squeak, walking over to the bed and sitting down criss-cross.

"D-don't be, it's ah... it's okay. That was my fault." He mumbles, pulling a game out.

I think it was one of those games you run around and shoot stuff.. I think. Connor puts the game into the box thingy that had buttons which were glowing, and turns on the tv. Grabbing two controllers, he walks over to his bed and plops down right next to me. I squeak and quickly move away from him.

"Something wrong?" He asks, pulling his hair up into a messy bun.

"N-no.. it's nothing. Really, it's nothing." I say, grabbing one of the controllers.

"Evan."

"Yeah?" I look at him, into his eyes, getting lost in them.

"Your holding it upside down."

"..huh? Oh. Ohh! That makes a lot more sense since it felt really weird holding it like that.." I ramble, turning the controller right side up.

I looked at Connor to see him smiling at me. He quickly looked away and started to set up the game. I blush slightly, thinking that he was staring at me but quickly shake it off. I don't like guys. I've never liked guys and I never will.

"Okay, ready to play?" Connor asks, looking back at me.

I nod my head, and he presses start.

~~~

It's been 3 hours. Evan fell asleep and I don't know what to do.

He brought his phone but I don't know his mom's number to tell her he fell asleep. I don't know where he lives so I can't take him home. Fuck.

I just finished turning the tv off when I sat back down on my bed. Evan was snuggled up against one of my pillows and had the controller next to him. I smile at the sight. He looked so peaceful. I take the controller and turn it off, setting it on a small table with the other controller. I walk back over to the bed and look at him.

Okay, now I feel like a stalker. He's just laying there and I'm, I'm staring at him. Staring. He wouldn't like it if he woke up now and saw me staring at him. I bet his face would turn red and he'd be all flustered. He would say um and uh a lot, he'd ramble, he'd avoid my gaze, all these things that make him so adorable.

How did I fall for him in less than 24 hours? How?

He managed to get me from hating him to acting nice for him to loving him. In less than 24 fucking hours. What the hell? How did he do that to me? Am I weak? Is that what it is?

I'm too weak so I fall easily? That's what it is. I fall for everything. Drugs. Alcohol. Illegal stuff. Evan.

I fell for him. I'm weak. I'm too weak.