Sincerely, Me {A Dear Evan Hansen FF}

{23}

My mom was actually home when I was awake. For the first time in a couple weeks. We were all sitting on the couch when she opened the door. I was leaning on Connor but when the door opened, I quickly sat up and leaned back.

Connor looked at me from the sudden movement but then saw my mom and made a face that he gets it.

"Hey sweetie!" She says, carrying groceries on both hands.

"Hey mom! Uh, you need help?" I ask, watching her.

"Yes. Yes that would be nice." She says, standing there, trying to gain her balance with all the groceries in her hands.

Connor and Jared both stand up, Jared walks outside and Connor walks to my mom, "Here, Mrs. Hansen. Let me help you with that."

He takes most of the groceries from her arms and carries them to the kitchen.

"Oh thank you so much.." Mom looks at me.

"Connor." I whisper to her.

She quickly nods, "Yes. Yes thank you Connor. Your such a help."

I chuckle lightly and watch Connor and Jared unload the groceries.

"No no Mrs. Hansen. You've been busy for so long. Relax, sit with your son." Jared had said when he came in and saw her about to go out.

"Oh, well if you insist. Thank you so much, both of you." She says as she sits next to me.

"Hey mom." I say, smiling at her.

"Hi sweetie." She says, kissing my forehead, "How are you?"

"Uh.. not good."

Her face quickly turns to one filled with worry, "What? Why?"

"Oh! Uh no I didn't mean that.. I uh.. just.. I want my legs back mom. I can't live like this.. I can't.." I say, getting quieter and looking down.

I hear her sigh then feel as her arms wrap around me, welcoming me into her warm embrace. I sigh then start to feel tears, I clutch onto my moms back and cry into her shoulder.

"The doctor... said... some..thing.. about a.. surgery... I want that.. I want to do that." I say between sniffles and hiccups.

She starts to rub my back, "I know Evan, I know. I will pay for that. I have the money. We can do it. Oh sweetie you will be able to walk again. Trust me."

I smile and keep crying for reasons I don't know. She kept rubbing my back and holding onto me. I love her hugs, they feel so safe and warm, so welcoming. Or maybe all children love their parents hugs.

"Yo sorry to interrupt this family moment, but uh.. Mrs. Hansen? You eat dinner yet? There's some leftover Chinese in the fridge." I hear Jared's voice say next to the couch.

I pull away from my mom and wipe at my nose with my light blue sweater sleeve. Sure it's gross but I didn't exactly care at the moment.

"Oh yes, I'm starving." She says, smiling sheepishly.

"K, stay here, I'll get it ready. Keep having your bonding moment." He says, winking then walking away.

She lightly laughs then rolls her eyes, "Isn't he just a gentleman?"

"You'd be surprised." I say sarcastically, laughing a little.

She smiles at me and takes both of my hands in hers, "Evan, sweetie. This surgery, Doctor Herman has told me about it during work. He says that if it's going to happen, you need to be ready to do it. There won't be any going back. Doctor Herman told me that it takes a while for the surgery to finally be complete."

I nodded, not too bad.

"It will take a lot of doctors to spilt open your legs and insert the metal supports. So sweetie?"

"Hm?"

"Please, just know, I'm with you through this. Through all of this." Mom smiles at me, holding tightly onto my hands.

"I love you." I say, smiling at her.

"I love you too, so much." She smiles, pulling me into another warm hug. That's when I thought it was a good time to tell her.

"Mom?"

"Mhm?"

"I'm bi." So yeah, I do still find girls cute and attractive but also boys. I realized I wasn't gay because I still felt something for girls. I don't know why but I guess I always have and always will. Boys on the other hand, some I do find attractive and others, well mainly Connor, I find super attractive.

She didn't say anything for awhile but finally said something.

"Like I said, I'm with you. I'm not mad at all, I must admit I am surprised. That boy, Connor. He was in your hospital room, he was crying. You like him?" It's like she was physic.

I smiled, "Yeah. He's great. No. More than great. Just-" I cut myself off with a sigh, "I love him mom, I really do." I mumble.

She pulled away from me and smiled, "I'm so happy for you. Oh and he is very caring and helpful. I know he loves you, well at least I know he cares about you."

I smiled warmly at her then Connor walked up to us, "Mrs. Hansen, your dinners ready."

She smiled at him and he lightly smiled back, "Thank you Connor. Oh and just call me Heidi."

"Alright. Oh and thank you for letting me and Jared stay here to take care of Evan." He smiles and holds out his hand to her. She smiles warmly and grabs his hand, letting him help her up. She didn't need the help but it was good that Connor was making such a good impression on my mom.

She looked back at me and gave a thumbs up then walked to the kitchen where Jared was probably setting the meal down for her. Connor smiled at me and plopped down onto the couch right next to me.

I smiled and him and he grinned back, "I think your mom likes me."

I roll my eyes, "Yeah, she loves you. Oh and she knows about us. I didn't say we were dating but I'm sure she figured that much."

He smiled at me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. Connor gently pulled me closer to him and I gladly accepted. I snuggled up into his chest as he held me. Closing my eyes, I smiled.

"Ev?" I hear him whisper.

"Hm?" I hum, eyes still closed.

"Your mom say you could do the surgery?" He asks quietly, rubbing circles on my left shoulder.

"Yeah. She said she'll pay for it. I just need to be ready for this, and.. I think I am."

I open my eyes to look at him and he smiles down at me, "I love you."

"I love you too, so very much." I say, smiling back at him.

~~~

~Fro