Itachi's Diary

Page 6

-5-

So continuing with my talk about the Akatsuki.  Leader is the second best, Konan isn't amazing, Tobi is bi, and Zetsu is a cannibal.  Now that I think of it, Leader would be the third best if Shisui were in the Akatsuki.  But sadly, Shisui isn't.

To all the fanboys reading this Kisame is single and ready to mingle.  Yes he's gay.  He had a whole party where he announced it, but Kakuzu wasn't too happy with all the money Kisame spent for the party.  In the end Kakuzu forgave Kisame, due to all the positive reactions and stuff.  Before you ask, no.  Me and Kisame are not a thing.  We never were and never will be.  So don't ask. 

Tch.  I'm not bitter about it.  Hmph stupid fish. 

Now moving on to Kakuzu and Hidan. 

Kakuzu is like a walking bank.  Except once you put money in the bank, you don't get it back.  It was like that for awhile until Leader finally got tired of everyone's complaining about it, and so Kakuzu had to give everyone their money.  Now, Kakuzu just goes on bounties to get more money so he can be the richest man in the world. 

Hidan is an idiot.  All he knows how to do is cuss and sacrifice people to his made up god.  As to why I haven't killed the annoying idiot yet is probably because he's immortal. 

You must be thinking, 'Itachi how come you haven't come up with a way to kill an immortal?'

Don't worry.  I have.  It's just leader forbids me from killing Hidan.  Of course I wouldn't listen to Leader, but he threatened me.  The details of the threat, I won't reveal to you. 

Then there's Sasori and Deidara.

Sasori is pretty chill.  He's not loud like Hidan, annoying like Tobi, controlling like Leader, a cannibal like Zetsu, a money freak like Kakuzu, or narcissistic like Konan.  Sasori spends most of his time making his puppets.  He's even made a puppet of me.  An exact replica.

Wait.  Now that I think of it, that sounds kind of creepy.  Sasori does think of his puppets as art.   

Nah, Sasori's not like that.

Right?

Moving on to Deidara.  The blonde bomber.

Deidara and I have had a rocky relationship.  I will begrudgingly admit, that he was my second crush. 

Yes.

Itachi Uchiha has had a crush. 

I know in earlier chapters I've said I'm not gay.  It's true I'm not gay.  Anymore.

I can explain that later. 

Anyways I begun to like Deidara, but he had always hated me.  I'm not sure why.  He has always hated me.  So I just stopped liking him.  Of course it took awhile to stop liking him.  But eventually it worked.

Lastly there's Orochimaru, a former Akatsuki.  I've already talked about him, so I'll just call him a pedophile.

-The Not Gay Itachi Uchiha