Confess (A Severus Snape Fanfiction - SSxOC)

Chapter 3

He had had enough for the night. All of those essays were just ridiculous. He wondered how on earth those students had made it to their final year in Hogwarts.

With an annoyed sigh, he dropped his quill onto the desk and stretched, when a certain little book caught his attention. He hadn't wasted any thought on it, but now, for some inexplicable reason, it had somehow managed to pique his interest. What was so special about this book that made the Slytherin boys taunt Samara with it? Curious to find the answer, he opened it on a random page and began to read.

Dear Diary, it began, and the professor instantly was about to close the book again. He wasn't one to snoop around in other people's business, and certainly not in that of his student's. Then, in the process of closing the damn thing, his glance fell on a word that made him reconsider. In disbelief, he stared at it for several seconds. He read it again. Yes, there it was, in fine feminine handwriting.

Snape.

Now, he couldn't just put the book aside. He had to know what she had written about him.

Dear Diary,

Today I had potions again. My head is still spinning. Not from the potion we had to brew, mind you, but rather because of him. I tried my best to do well in class, but as soon as he looked at me with those beautiful deep black eyes, I lost all coherent thought and turned into a babbling mess. Professor Snape must think I'm the dumbest student he has ever had, and I don't blame him. In fact, I am pretty dumb for not being able to get my feelings under control when he is around, for not even being able to perform well when he watches me. I study so hard to prove that I'm not one of those "untalented dunderheads", as he calls us, and yet, I fail so miserably in class. All it takes is one look from him and all my effort was in vain. I'm so silly for feeling this way about him, but I can't help it.

Reading this short paragraph, Professor Snape hadn't noticed how his jaw had dropped, somewhere between beautiful deep black eyes and feeling this way about him. What was she saying?

He took a deep breath to sort his racing thoughts. Surely, she was just afraid of him. He was well aware that each and every student at this school feared him, so she certainly was no exception. Why would she be? Yes, he assured himself, she was just talking about the fear he instilled in her.

But now, there was no way he would put down the book. He was most definitely intrigued. Never had he had the opportunity to explore a student's mind, let alone her true, unfiltered opinion about him. So, he turned to the first page, which was dated two years ago, and began perusing it.

Dear Diary,

Do you know that feeling when you look at someone and it is as if lightning strikes you? You feel your entire body tense, so aware of this person's presence that every single cell in your body is on alert. Your heart starts to race so hard that you think it will jump out of your chest any second, and thousands of butterflies suddenly whirl around in your stomach, making it hard to swallow, making it almost impossible to breathe. Do you know it? Well, then you know how I felt today when I saw him. You're probably asking yourself who "he" is, so let me explain.

I just arrived back at Hogwarts after summer break. As you know, I'm always happy to come back. At home... Well, it isn't really a home, but I don't want to ruin this entry by writing about my family. I'd rather write about happy things. Like him. So, we were all going to the Great Hall, when he suddenly appeared. He walked past me with his long black robe, the distinct scent of potions wafting in the air, and that's when that lightning struck me. Just like that. Silly, isn't it? But from that moment on, I couldn't help but watch him. Secretly, of course. Throughout the sorting ceremony and dinner I couldn't take my eyes off him. He is so handsome and mysterious. Everyone hates him because he is so strict and distances himself so much, but I can't hate him. He's always been my favorite teacher, you learn a lot with him in class. And today... I fell for him. Hard. I guess you already know who I'm talking about? Right. Professor Snape.

The professor gaped. What was that he just read? Was that some sort of joke? Clearly, this couldn't be real. Hastily he scanned through the rest of the book, and as a matter of fact, he could detect his name on every single page. One entry in particular caught his eye and he decided to examine it further. He couldn't tell what it was that drew him to it, he just had that peculiar feeling that he should read it carefully. And when he did, his heart felt heavy, as if someone had a very keen grip on it. The words were so powerful, so hypnotizing, he kept staring at them, struggling immensely to grasp their true meaning. Finally, for a second time, he read the page.

Dear Diary,

Don't ask me why I know it, I just do. I love him. I love Professor Snape. I also know that he will never return my feelings, and this knowledge is crushing me. All I want is for him to hold me in his arms and never let me go. Whenever I see him, I want to do just that – run to him, throw my arms around his strong body, and tell him how much I love him. But I can't. He will never know about my feelings for him; well, not that he would care. He doesn't particularly like me. What should I do? This is slowly killing me. And the fact that Gilbert and his stupid friends have noticed that I, as they say, "have a thing for Snape", isn't helping at all. They make fun of me, harass me whenever they get the chance. I don't really have friends anymore either, because now I'm labeled the "weirdo who is into Snape". But the worst thing is that this entire situation is hopeless. He will never feel the same for me, let alone even like me, and I will soon leave school and never see him again. This is when my heart will truly be torn into tiny little pieces, and it will take a lifetime to mend it again. But you know what? I wouldn't change anything, if I could. If I had the choice, I would fall in love with him again. Being in love with the most amazing, most gifted man is wonderful, even if it is just one-sided. I love you, Professor Severus Snape.

Impulsively, he shut the book with a loud bang and stood. He couldn't bear to sit at his desk any longer, he had to do something. Get a drink, or just pace around. Anything. Anything was better than just sitting still and pondering.

With an inner turmoil raging violently within the depths of his dark soul, he pushed open the door to the corridor and disappeared into the labyrinth of the castle.