Confess (A Severus Snape Fanfiction - SSxOC)

Chapter 6

As much as he wanted to, Severus couldn't shake off the icy cold that held his very being in its strong iron grip. Instead, it kept spreading, numbing his senses, only letting him focus on that one particular event in his life that had caused him so much grief throughout the years. It had stripped him of everything – hope, trust, confidence... and love. It had changed him deeply, although some changes were probably for the better. He had turned his back on the Dark Lord, and he never felt any remorse over it. The only thing he regretted was that he hadn't come to his senses sooner; he would have seen the danger that was looming in the dark. And when he realized it, it was already too late. Lily was lost. And so was her family. Well, her son did survive, being a constant reminder of what he had lost. He couldn't stand being in this boy's presence for too long. It tore him apart. Besides, he wasn't just Lily's son, of course. He bore such a striking resemblance to James who had made life hell for him back in school. That torturous combination of those two people, one he had always loved and one he had always despised, was too much to bear. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to have to see the boy every day, to have to teach him, and he did not care to know. Soon enough, however, this would be a reality he would have to face. Naturally, he didn't hate Harry, for he was all that was left of Lily; he was his only connection to her, and even though Harry would probably never know, but Severus had made a vow to ensure that the child would be safe, and he would never break it for as long as he was able to breathe.

As far as he knew, though, the child was protected and safe, living the life of a Muggle. It would only be next year that the boy was to learn of his true descent. Next year everything would change, Severus was all too aware of it. He would be confronted with indescribable torment, as soon as Harry was to enter the gates of Hogwarts.

Until then, it was best to hide his memories, stow them away in the farthest corner of his mind, and drown them with the burning taste of Firewhisky.

Two empty glasses later, Professor Snape grabbed his wand off his nightstand. He would not find any rest tonight. With his robe flapping behind him like a bat's wings, the Potions Master left the overwhelming gloom of his chambers to seek solace in the dim-lit halls of the castle.

He hadn't walked far, when he heard a shrill shriek. With a start, he turned around.

"Professor," an annoyingly giddy voice made itself heard. "What a pleasant surprise. It's been far too lonely out here for... um... at least three hours," the voice laughed, amused about its own joke.

Severus rolled his eyes. "Not in the mood, Peeves" he growled.

"Oh, but, Professor." The faint outlines of the poltergeist appeared in front of him, holding up an index finger in mock reproach. "Have we been drinking? Tsk, tsk."

"None of your business."

"Alcohol is not a solution," Peeves declared dramatically, waving his finger in the professor's face.

"Being the Potions Master, I can tell you it damn well is. Now, get lost already!"

"Uh oh, am I getting on your nerves, Snape?" The poltergeist emphasized Severus's last name, pronouncing the letter P with a loud popping sound.

Not wanting to engage anymore in that foolishness, Severus continued on his way down the corridor.

"Alright, I get it," Peeves pouted. "Good night, Professor. But be warned. Whatever you do, don't go to the potions classroom."

Turning on his heels, Snape pulled out his wand. "Lumos."

"Where are you going, Professor?" The poltergeist giggled mischievously, watching as Snape rushed back into the direction he just came from.