No. No. No, no, no, no. Just...no. He can't...He wouldn't...Mark wouldn't...
“You're lying...” The words come out of me, croaking with the pain that's ripping in my chest and throat. “Mark's never...”
“He has, love.”
“No...” Tears prickle my vision. Air wheezes into my lungs. Nails dig into my palms. He's lying. He's fucking lying.
“I'm sorry, Alex.”
The air in my lungs is on fire. The tears in my eyes feel like acid. I'm pretty sure that I've dug my nails so hard into my palms that I've made permanent scars. If I looked down, then I know the floor would be stained with the blood running from my veins. But I can't look down. I can't look anywhere. I can't see anything. Just red. I can only see red...
Danny's face pierces through the haze of rage. His hand is moving towards my face. Breaking my personal space. And his touch is like razors against my cheek. No. My own hands lash out. One knocking his hand away from me. The other catching the side of his face in a backhanded slap, whipping his head around with the force.
“You fucking liar!” I scream, ignoring the pained look in his eye. “Why are you doing this?!”
“I don't understand...”
“You made me kiss you! You made him hate me! You tell me lies! And now he doesn't love me! He loves her! He never loved me! You're all liars! I hate you! I hate him! I...I...”
Too much pain. Far too much pain. My head is going to explode. My stomach is going to rupture. My heart is going to stop beating. I have to calm down. I need to end this pain. I need to silence the words roaring in my ears. I need...I need to...
Shut down.
I force my breathing to slow down to an almost impossible pace. I make my heart beat decrease its speed to a pace that would confuse even a coroner. I block out the sounds of my soul, replacing them instead with a low drone. I let the numbness that has been missing from my life for so long take over. Letting it take control of my body, slowly killing the light within me. Smothering my life essence, destroying what it is that makes me human. And then...I'm gone.
There's no sight. There's no sound. There's no feeling, no emotion, no pain, no happiness. There's nothing here. Absolutely nothing. And this is how it needs to stay. Here, no one can get me. I'm alone. And that, for now, is a good thing.
“Shit...”
The curse is just a distant sound, almost a murmur in the blissfully desensitised state I've fallen into. I vaguely feel my eyes blink slowly, but the darkness is still clouding my vision. So long as Mark hates me, I'll stay right here. Stay in my self-regulated cocoon of safety. And that probably means the rest of my life. So be it.
“Come back, little love.” Tiny mumble. So insignificant. “Let me explain what happened.”
I don't want to, but I begin to see his face. Just a faded image in front of me. And along with it comes the tiny twinges of pain that I'd just managed to deny myself from feeling. I hear a shuddery breath as I inhale, catching his attention. And then he's closer.
“He didn't want to,” I hear. “He didn't. It was my fault. It was all my fault. Like everything seems to be these days...”
Another heavy blink. This time, it's not alone. The action is accompanied with the burning of tears down my cheeks and the ripping of my heart strings. Stop this, Alex. Numb is how you cope. Numb is how you survive. Get back to that place. Quickly, get back before...
