Deceptions & Secrets

Chapter 4: Feelings and Such

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Author's Note:  Hello Readers! We normally update this story every Monday, but as tomorrow is the remembrance of Memorial Day in the US we decided to update one day early this week. Enjoy and thank you again for reading, and have a safe and happy holiday!

Xo, FourTrisHEA & Panda

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Chapter 4: Feelings and Such

Three months before Tobias's Choosing Day (March)

Tobias POV

"Anytime, Mrs. Anderson," Beatrice says politely. She has just finished minding Mrs. Anderson's young children for a few hours after school, and I am here to walk her home. Mrs. Anderson closes the door and Beatrice comes towards me down the path. When she passes me I put out a hand, and it fits automatically in the space between her shoulder blades. It wasn't intentional, and I quickly drop my hand.

I silently scold myself for allowing myself to touch her in any way. I quickly look around the roads and feel a sense of relief that no one is around. To her credit, she didn't even seem to register my touch. Sometimes I wonder if this is all in my head.

The problem is, it's as though whenever she is near me, my thoughts slow down, and my mind runs a few beats behind my body's actions. For the first time in my life I feel driven to be close to another person, to show her affection through simple gestures, such as a pat on the back or a touch of our hands. The issue with this is that we are in Abnegation, and this form of interaction is strictly forbidden. Neither Beatrice nor I are were raised to act like that.

So I try to keep my distance. Unfortunately, that is difficult to do, not because of an inherent lack of self-control on my part, but because we live in the same house as 'siblings' and our parents are constantly pushing us together. My task this afternoon is one example: Marcus demanded that I walk that girl home when she finished babysitting. Another day, Beatrice had to deliver lunch to me when I was volunteering in the supply warehouse. While the actual tasks vary, we are thrown together for one reason or another nearly every day.

As we walk past a particularly bad patch of cracked sidewalk, we hop and skip to avoid the cracks, playing a game Beatrice taught me. It's simple and not really competitive-- there is no winner and loser-- but it makes the walk a little more fun. She teared up a little when she explained it to me a few weeks ago; it was a game she always played with Caleb. I felt uneasy at first, I don't want to replace her brother and I know she doesn't want that either... but she insisted that it would help her to heal, and I think it has, a little. It's good to see her finding joy again in something that she had lost. Beatrice made it clear that it was nothing personal, but she would never look at me as her brother. She explained she had the real thing, and although she is grateful for our friendship... being forced to be "siblings" at our age, especially when I'm leaving our family home in a couple of months, is more for appearances than it is realistic. We joked that if we were 8 and 7 at the time, then that would be a different story. We smiled and agreed that we are at peace with our relationship as friends.

When we get home, we must hurry to have dinner ready on time. While Beatrice cooks, I finish the last of the chores that I worked frantically to complete all afternoon and set the table. Most of the time I cook and she cleans, but she didn't think it would be fair to me if she were to finish the little cleaning that was left when I had already completed most of it.

Marcus and Natalie arrive through the front door just as I finish setting the table; Beatrice is spooning the peas into a serving bowl. As I plate the chicken and help Beatrice serve the meal, I let out a sigh of relief that we managed to get it done on time.