She Wears Toms, He Wears Converse

Chapter 4

"Isolation by choice."

Carter's P.O.V

High school isn't the best experience for all of us. Some are alienated, some lose opportunities, and others lose friends. High school is something nobody walks away from un-harmed. Somehow, someway, high school will leave its mark on you. I've always had trouble making friends, and with my mother getting offered a job somewhere else every year doesn't help. It seems every time I find a place I'd like to stay or a couple of friends that like me. I am forced to leave them and move on with my life. Currently, I was sitting at the cafeteria tables with my head resting on my left hand. I wasn't paying attention to anything anyone was saying. No, I wasn't staring at Astrid. She didn't even come to school today! The one person I want to become friends with isn't here. I don't know how to explain it. There's just something about her that is so... different. Like, a good different, you know how in Elementary school when someone was line leader or when someone could go across the monkey bars and back without falling off... That different. She's adventurous. I like that. I know so much about her, but at the same time, I don't know anything. How is that even possible? Is it wrong that every day she crosses my mind? Or is it even worse that she probably doesn't also give me a second thought?

"Carter?" Vicki questioned, looking a little disappointed that I wasn't listening to her before.

"Yes? Sorry." I answered.

"Well, like I was saying before, there's a fair this weekend, and we were going to go on Saturday. Would you like to come with us?" She asked now that she had my full attention. Fairs are always fun. Mainly the thrill rides but, if I go, I won't be able to teach Astrid how to skateboard. She probably doesn't even want to spend time with me anyway.

"Sure," I answered while giving a slight nod. At that moment, someone with a messy bun ran by our table and to the table where Astrid usually sits.

"Astrid!" I heard one of the guys from the table call. Wait, she came to school? The corners of my mouth tugged upwards to reveal a smile. Maybe I won't have to go home by myself today.

Astrid's P.O.V

Yes, I know I missed the first three periods of school and only came at lunch. So, the good girl that has perfect attendance finally skipped... Rebel, right? No, I didn't sleep in. I only wish I did. There was no way I could pull myself to come to school on time, no matter how much I tried. It was one of those times when you cried, and the tears wouldn't stop flowing, and, suddenly, instead of crying about one thing, you are now crying about every little something. I pulled myself together and got to school as fast as I can. I hope I can hold back the tears threatening to pour out of my eyes. I know you may call me weak for only being called 'fat,' 'ugly' and 'worthless' but, I already thought those (and worse) about myself and, when others began to point it out... I don't know what happened...

"I missed you," Aiden whispered as he encompassed me in his grasp. Aiden gives the best hugs. Whenever I'm in his arms, I feel protected, and as if nothing wrong could ever happen. I honestly don't think I could live without Aiden. I didn't want to let go of him, but I had to. I took my usual seat next to him.

"Want a bite of my burger?" Jay questioned. I hadn't eaten this morning, and I was about to but, the image of the paper with the word 'fat' on it flashed in my mind. I shook my head, no. He shrugged before he continued with what he was doing before. Jay and Har usually attempt to converse with Aiden and me, but two weeks ago, they started talking more. Now, they barely notice our existence. We don't mind since Jayden and Harlow have liked each other for two years. With Jay and Har off in their little world, Aiden broke the silence.

"When was the last time you ate?" He inquired; his intense gaze made me feel uneasy. I hate lying to Aiden.

"Right before I came here." I lied. It didn't sound convincing enough. I knew the second it came out of my mouth that he didn't believe it. However, he just nodded and looked in another direction. He wasn't angry, only disappointed because every time I lie to him, it makes him feel so untrustworthy. Maybe I should've just stayed home. An overwhelming wave of guilt seemed to attack my conscience. The room seemed to become extremely hot. I can't do this. My breathing became shorter. My eyes darted around the room, looking for help, but there was no one to save me. The bell rang, and I bolted out of my seat and away from my friends. I hurried through the doors and took my usual place at the back of the class. I was the first one here but, I know Aiden would be here soon. I shut my eyes tight. I refuse to let these tears fall. I attempted to calm myself down. I took a deep breath, counted to ten, and released. Without hesitation, I opened my eyes.

"Today, we are going to watch a movie." Mrs. O'Leary informed everyone. A few students cheered. I snuck a glance to my left, where Aiden was sitting, casually resting his head against his hand. He wasn't even passing me notes like he usually does. As the teacher fumbled with the disk, I hastily composed a letter.

Aiden, don't be mad at me. You know I can't live without you. You know how much I trust you and, you also know how I bottle everything up.
-Astrid

I honestly thought he wasn't going to respond because, after he read the note, he repeated what he did before; completely ignoring me. However, a minute later, a letter landed on my desk.

I'm not mad. If you trust me so much, why did you lie? Do you know how unworthy it makes me feel to know that my best friend doesn't trust me enough with even a small factor in her life?
-Aiden

I don't mean to make you feel that way...
-Astrid.

Then tell me the truth.
-Aiden

Why is it such a big deal to you?
-Astrid

Why can't you trust me with one thing? Sure, you've been backstabbed before but, do you honestly think I'd do that to you? Give me a chance.
-Aiden.

The last time I ate was yesterday morning. It's been over 24 hours. Happy now?
-Astrid.

Yes.
-Aiden

One word replies... Great. I crumpled up the note and tossed it in my bag. Aiden took the hint that the conversation was over. I gazed at the screen, paying attention to a movie about rhythm. Another note landed on my desk.

Sorry for the one-worded reply... Did you say that you couldn't live without me?
-Aiden

I quickly wrote a reply. The bell rang, and I left him standing there with nothing but a tiny piece of paper that said: "Not like you didn't know that before."