Letters from India

46. My 20th Birthday & Darshans - Jan 1986

My 20th Birthday & New Year’s Day

January 4, 1986

Prasanthi Nilayam

Dear Peoples,

Jai Sai Ram! My 20th Birthday was celebrated lavishly! All I did was mention it to a few friends the night before, the next day everyone I knew seemed to know! Throughout the day I was showered with presents – many pictures, food coupons, free feasts in the canteen, sweets, candies, vibhuti packs from interviews, etc.

Bettina (From Argentina, she was here last year) gave me a statue of Ganesha. She asked Sai to bless it the morning of my birthday (in her mind she said, “for Eileen”) and He did, placing His whole hand over it! It’s symbolic for me – He’s saying He’ll remove all the obstacles in my spiritual life. :-) I’ll take it as His Birthday present to me. (Note from 2012: I still have that Ganesha statue on my alter!)

The morning of the 31st it was suddenly decided to have a New Year’s program (by foreigners). Sai had requested English songs to be sung before, so groups were formed to sing English songs to Him. My old group reformed - SH, Rohani, Barbara and me. Had rushed practices of several songs. At night, we got in 2nd row as leaders. Sai came and we started our program – only, after the 3rd song, Sai stopped it. He got up and wandered over to the ladies, then turned to all and said, “Tomorrow. Not ready now. Very, very, very happy.” He put both His hands up in blessing, huge smile, then left as we all sang arathi.

That night, New Year’s eve, Barbara and I were innocently picture-sorting and cleaning up – I even did a whole back load of wash, washed my hair and had a bath, as an auspicious way of ending the old year and beginning the new. We were then immersed in pictures when something made me look at the clock – thinking it was the late hour of 10 PM or so (we had no plans of staying up because of the busy day on the 1st), and it was 11:50 PM!

We went outside and stood facing Sai’s house, easily seen over the low wall. All His lights were out. We both held candles, sang arathi, Om Tat Sat, and Ganesh bhajan as the New Year began. Auspicious way to begin! Also, a new small church opened on Xmas, it’s just down the road, and they were having a New Year’s service. I could see the lights from our compound, and we could hear their singing. It was so kind of Sai to trick us into staying up, then having me look at the clock at just the right time – so we could begin 1986 so auspiciously! :-)

New Year’s morning at 5:30 AM, there was Omkar and Suprabhatam, the nagarsankirtin though a nearby village. Our group helped out as leaders. But Sai didn’t give dawn darshan.

Then at 9 AM, we sang under the tree. Sai came, and after a few English songs, requested only Sanskrit to be sung! All lady leaders sang together (not separate groups) and all the men leaders together. Sai gave wonderful first day of 1986 present to SH and Rohani, who were both on the isle: as He came by, He walked close to them and stopped, so each could take padnamaskar! What a scene, seeing both Rohani and SH’s head buried on Sai’s foot – each having one foot – at the same time! Verrry happy!

For the evening, I joined a chorus group to do Bhajans for the night program, plus we were going to present some songs from the children and our chorus piece, but it never happened. Sai took His own time in coming, was there for only one bhajan, then quickly ended it and left! At least that day we had very nice close-up Darshan with many sweet smiles, but perhaps Sai didn’t stay too long because we hadn’t had much time to practice, it was such a last-minute decision. Anyway, good way to be spending New Year’s Day, practicing songs to God! :-)

On the 3rd of January, Swami left for Puttaparthi. He didn’t even give Darshan, even though we were seated for Darshan. He rode by in the car, waving from the window. All rushed to book taxis, buses, min-buses, vans and cars.

Funny leela, our devotee van was supposed to leave at 1 PM, but didn’t leave till 3 PM cuz of arguments about money (driver wanted more from the manager). On the way, the rubber on two of the tires died out, so they slashed the remainder off and drove bare-tired for awhile. Then one tire cremated itself so we were forced to change it. Got to Prasanthi Nilayam at 7:30 PM. Friends, including SH & Barbara – who had hopped in taxis at the last minute – were there for Darshan and bhajan.

Here in PN and at Whitefield, been having beautiful close-up Darshans, but absolutely no personal attention. Seem to be in the process of heavy churning lately. You wrote in one letter Mom, how you couldn’t imagine Sai not using me in His mission, unless I got liberation very soon, like at 20. So Barbara and I were joking about this a lot, how I’d get moksha on my birthday and she’d just “tag along.” :-) Maybe Sai heard all this and has decided to speed up my “moksha” so is doing all this churning. 

Sai doesn’t allow me to ask questions., offer letters or ask advise in any way. My job is just to sit quiet and trust in Him completely. I can't even offer Him a letter asking if this is my right path, if I'm doing the right thing! So I hope I am. So I'm a boring person in this respect. Any other person and you’d be reading all the time, “He took this or that letter”, “He gave me this or that dream.” Mine is a path of wind blowing waves.

Jai Avatar – Jai Sai Ram,

Love,

Eileen

______________________  

Days Spent in Darshan and Bhajans

January 12, 1986 Prasanthi Nilayam

Dear Peoples,

Jai Sai Ram! Hope that you are all doing fine. Swami’s been treating me extremely well since Christmas. I'm very healthy, have energy, all is well with accommodation, money, supplies, etc. I stayed one day in a room (with Bettina from Argentina) after returning, but then I moved to the shed, where there’s more breathing room, more spaces. I’ve set up a ‘mansion’ in the shed, complete with living, dining, and bed rooms, kitchen, “closet” (with hangers), dresser and puja room. And all this in a 6’ by 7’ area! :-)

Day is spent with Darshan and bhajans, with a few hours of meditating (or reading or copying discourses, etc.) in a spot nearby the Mandir - very peaceful there. For food I’ve been eating in the canteen, plus buying some fruit; and for munchies, sprouting wheat and peanuts. I'm also regularly doing errands or favors for others, my “seva” I guess.

Starting on Xmas day, Swami “graced” me in a different way: He slammed me on the operating table! Heavy internal work in other words - lots of churning. Went on till the 9th, then He closed the wound and let me have a half-day of recovery; then did a smaller operation lasting two days. Now I'm over that and He’s given a lot of outward Grace to help me recover – front row, coming close, saying “Manchi bangaru” and ”Very happy” in the section I sit in. I'm very grateful because when He does all the internal work, a lot of churning, He’s making me all the more quickly into butter – closer to the goal! :-)

In Darshan Sai is mostly “Bhagavan” - stern, unattached. Many groups here, each group is getting their interviews plus Swami is calling individuals too. As for me, I came wanting “interview” only so He could tell me what He wants me to do in USA; if I don’t go back, it’s understandable that I wouldn’t get, wouldn’t have any use, for an interview! So I'm not joining any more groups – I’ve made that decision. Permanent residents aren’t supposed to ever have interviews anyway, and certainly not to join a group from their former countries. 

The weather is wonderful - breezy with a little sun, jut right. In the mornings & evenings I even wear my thick shawl – my body is now used to hot weather and is sensitive even to a little cool breeze.

All is going well. Seeing Sai the Lord is so beautiful, so much Grace! Very happy!

Love,

Eileen