Letters from India

37. Anandashram - Aug 1984

Anandashram

August 1985

Kanhangod, Kerala

Dear Ones,

Yes, well, need I say “Guess who”?’s writing you from India? :-) I hope you all there are happy, getting along and enjoying the last days of summer vacation. All goes well here. That is, mine is a case of “liking what you do,” (what God wishes and guides you to do) and not “Doing what you like.” (I’d like to be in Prasanthi Nilayam!).

God has really taught me. Now I try always to go by the rule of thumb, of not taking anything so seriously as to get upset over it. God's taught me that no matter how we weep or wail over something, it’s like “crying over spilt milk,” and is of no use. God’s going to do just as He pleases - things that will get us to moksha the quickest, and in the best way for us. We’re really nothing, what we want is nothing. He’s in charge, we have no power before Him.

What do we want, moksha? We can't have moksha, our bodies aren’t ready to withstand realization. What do we want, happiness? We can't have happiness, because we’ll never be happy without realization. Then what are we to do? Let God do His work; let Him prepare us for receiving Him. He’s doing it. It’s just that we’re hindering Him by our moaning, and it will take longer. Of course, He’s doing the moaning because He’s prompting our every action. But if we just be quiet, He can work uninterrupted.

Of course, contentment is a gift. If we have sadness, it’s Him making Himself sad and we’re helpless before it. We just have to sit and experience that sadness, that’s what He wants. Only He can take it away, we can't. If we get upset over it and pray and pray for it to go, then what if this, say, one day of sadness would get us to moksha, say, one month sooner? Then what? Only God doesn’t tell us this, He keeps us in suspense, in ignorance. To us it seems like He’s not listening, but to Him, He knows He’s getting Himself (in that form) to the Goal one month sooner. He’s all-knowing and us, in these small forms, are no-knowing!

Everything seems to go fine until I let something bother me, and then it becomes rather silly: getting bothered over something that will get me to moksha sooner! Everything he does ONLY for our own good, how could it be otherwise? How could it be otherwise?

“Just be quiet and let Me do the rest.”

I heard that you needed Mataji’s (Mother Krishnabai, who is looking after the ashram after Swami Ramdas passed away) permission to stay for a long time, so at an appropriate time, after I had been here 2 weeks, I asked if I may stay another month and a half. There was this Italian group that had just arrived; the answer from Mataji was, ‘When they leave, you may also please leave.’ They leave on the 23rd. Thus, my orders from above!

The time limit of stay here is usually one month; it is interesting that I arrived on 23 July and the Italian group just happens to be leaving on that day, exactly one month later!

Time passes soo quickly in an ashram; it’s so timeless here. Everyday is exactly the same, you lose track of what day and even month it is. There’s no such thing as getting up later on Sundays (you arise at dawn every day – or one or two hours before, for the morning program; depending on how lazy you are), or shopping days, or special programs.

Here in Anandashram, everything’s clean and neat, with a real family, grandma-house feeling. Mataji stays in a small room with bathroom, attached to the temple. Even though she has frail health (she's 82 now, and mostly bedridden since 1982), my first impression of her was that she would live forever! Her face literally glows, and she has a bright, blissful smile. Her skin looks healthy and hardly wrinkled at all, and also glows. She sits up in bed, legs crossed Indian-style, sometimes changing her position.