Letters from India

80. Parvatamma Orders Me Out! - April 1988

Parvatamma Orders Me Out!

April 23, 1988

Kodai Kanal, Tamil Nadu

Dear Peoples,

I went to Madras as expected, on April 14th, the day Sai left for Ooty. I arrived in Madras to find Parvatamma on ‘hospital duty.’ Her daughter-in-law Chitra had had the operation early, on the 13th, instead of the 15th as it had been planned. The fibroids had been removed. I went in the evening to the hospital. Parvatamma looked delighted to see me. The family wanted me to spend the night at the house (father, daughter Smitha and young son are there in the house). Parvatamma did not think it proper, she didn’t like the idea of me being in the house without the lady of the house there. So I spent the night in the hospital room with Parvatamma and Chitra's mother, who had come from Calcutta to be with her. I was officially on 'hospital duty'!

So, I made the over 10-hour bus ride all day, then slept on the hospital room floor all night, then next morning Parvatamma and I went home only for bath & breakfast at 7 AM, then returned to the hospital and sat there the whole day. Then Parvatamma went home at night and I remained at the hospital all night.

Chitra was sleeping mostly – but the second night she was talking a little. She was in a lot of pain and was not eating but having IV drip in the arm.

After that first day, unfortunately, trouble began. I wasn’t feeling well. It was very, very intense being right beside Parvatamma (literally) for the first 24 hours, and then try to sleep in the hospital for the second night in a row, with not much to do but stare at the patient in the bed and listen to Chitra and her mother talk in a language I didn't understand. My nerves were shaken. Also, most of that time was spent in an air-conditioned (no fresh air) hospital room. Poor Chitra kept moaning & wanting pain injections. Not much sleep.

Parvatamma began scolding me for this or that, including complaining that I wasn't doing anything. The nurses and doctors took care of bedridden Chitra, or her mother jumped up to do stuff or talk with Chitra - I was clueless what else I could possibly do! So I just sat silent. I made the mistake of telling the grandchildren that Parvatamma had upset me (they asked why I seemed upset), which led to Parvatamma’s son scolding Parvatamma. This is a real insult, and Parvatamma became really wild with rage with me. From that second night she was mad. I discovered that two things make her incensed with anger: someone accusing her of scolding them, and someone crying. The added scolding only made me more emotional, which led to her not talking to me! Worse! Karma from years back, maybe! This led to me having no heart to eat. What a mess!

Although she was close to me all the day, she totally ignored me. She refused to let me ride with her to the hospital; she would not answer my pleas. Me not eating made everyone concerned as well as mad. She started to talk to me, not talk, but shout only, and worse, Sai made me understand all of her Telugu. She accused me of awful things, like of deceiving her by buying used clothing in Singapore instead of new (the new expensive jeans were pre-washed and faded as was the style, how could I convince her they were not used?), of treating her as if she was nobody, even though she’s given me so much all these days. My pleas that it was all a misunderstanding only made her angrier. Finally, on the 18th she ordered me out, out, out. An awful leela.

I felt like running to Arunachala (Ramanashram nearby, with the caves remember), to do tapas in peace. Then I suddenly remembered the dream I had had, the night before leaving for Madras – of the noisy foreigner party, me wanted to leave it but Swami not giving permission. It must certainly have indicated the noisy foreigners in Kodai Kanal, where Swami was. So I forced myself to book a ticket there instead of to Arunachala.

The next day, the 19th, I left in the evening. When I left Parvatamma ignored me completely, except to yell at me a few times. My apologies were to no avail. She was not going to forget that I had caused this insult to her. I left after touching her feet - she stared ahead and refused to give her traditional blessing, “Go and come,” (I remembered that I had a dream the previous evening, where I took leave of her and she said the usual, “Very good, go and come.”)