One More Chance

Chapter 15

So basically most of this chapter will be Josh’s story

Chapter 15

“What happened?” I asked him.

“Can I ask you a question?” he asked me, him shoulders slumped.

“Sure,”

“Say someone liked you, and you liked them back, but you’re too scared to show it,” he started. “So you made up excuses to not like them. Then that person changed themselves for you, but when they changed themselves…they get hurt. Would that make it your fault for making up those excuses?”

I knew that he trusted me to give him an honest answer, so I did.

“Depends on what you mean by hurt them,” I told him cautiously.

He sighed. “I suppose you should know,”

The first time I met her was something I can’t remember. I must have been two when she was born, and I must have visited her sometime. But the earliest memory of her involves lots of shouts, sunshine and grass. Throughout our childhood, she wasn’t that very good looking. Sort of plain, chubby cheeks, freckled skin, pointy nose. But I could always guarantee laughter when I was with her.

I never realized that she had that little crush on me. When she admitted it, I was surprised, but the more I thought about it, the more it fitted. Around the whole time she was twelve years old, she grew shy around me and blushed as soon as I spoke to her. I was oblivious.

She was thirteen when she told me. I was fifteen. We were left alone, and there was an unusual silence between us. I asked her what was wrong, and she blushed more, before she admitted it.

“I k…kind of l...like you,” she had whispered.

I was fifteen. Fifteen. And most fifteen year old don’t chase thirteen year olds. Especially not plain sort of girls, who you think of as your own sister. Especially not your best friend’s sister.

I didn’t know how to react. So I had just laughed her off, and pretended that she was joking. Deep down I knew she was not. Deep down, I saw the hurt look that flicked across her face.

Deep down, I ignored the pain.

I could have carried on as normal, but I didn’t. I avoided her, with the hope of avoiding awkward atmospheres. I had time to make up the hurt that she had bared, but I didn’t.  I had exactly three months. 

She forgave me soon, after her father's death.  She asked for my help; to give her support when she auditioned for a talent school in London. I heard her voice for the first time.

Three months later, she disappeared from our lives. She went into the talent school she had won a scholarship for. I was surprised, like a lot of others. Barely anyone heard that strong, powerful voice filled with deep emotion. But a few weeks later after I went to one of her shows, I realized her talent.

She returned as a trip, with more confidence. She had the confidence to tell me what she wanted with me. And my feelings ahd changed too.

That week, we spent most of our time together. Usually by the huge oak tree.

A lot of things happened that week. I fell for her. I knew that as soon as I felt those sparks when her lips touched mine. I was sure she felt them too. But my fear damaged that love. I was scared when all I could think of was her. I was scared when her face popped up in my dreams. But I was petrified when my nightmares involved me losing her.

I should have made sure I wouldn’t lose her. That I’d keep her forever. But I took the wrong decision. I decided to push her away so I wouldn’t have to face those fears.

I could have gone back to the ignoring, or just have told her that I couldn’t see her anymore. But I intimidated her. I made her feel like a little child again. I invited her to a day out with a bunch of girls and boys, and smoked pot, nicotine and drank alcohol. She wouldn’t lay a hand on them, being the good girl she was. But at the end, she cracked open a can of beer and glugged it down. I ignored the pang of guilt and hurt.

We lost contact until the next harvest festival, when she returned for another week. She had changed completely. The lips were smeared with red, her eyes coated with black. Her freckles had turned into a layer of makeup and her summer dresses had changed into miniskirts. 

She did things worse than I could ever do. And we were arguing all the time and she left me again. It was back to London - to her more intersting life.

She needed me. I was not there.

I had no idea that she took those drugs more than necessary. I had thought it was the normal phase most sixteen year olds go through – just a little try of pot and nicotine. I had no idea how far she would take it.

I had no idea that one day, my best friend would wake me, telling me that his sister was in hospital.

I had no idea that I would whisper things I would never have dared to admit to her, into her ear, whilst holding her hand in the hospital.

I had no idea that I would stand on the soil, watching them lift the wooden box down into the dug up hole.

I had no idea that I would face such pain during those weeks after her death.

I had no idea that I would not cope.

I had no idea that I would cut myself.

I had no idea that I would get a centimetre close to death.

I had no idea that when she was lying in the hospital, she would open her eyes and whisper ‘I love you’ back.

When he finished, we were both in tears. But I knew one thing for sure.

“It’s not your fault, Josh,” I told him sternly. “It was never your fault,”

Did you enjoy that chapter! I enjoyed writing it!

Song Of The Chapter: Backstabber – Ke$ha

Book Of The Chapter: Slater – Teri Terry (Yes, the author has an unusual name)

Wattpad Book Of The Chapter: The Kiss Of Dawn – Parogar