See Me Now

XVIII. Outrage

Levi kicked the door open to Erwin's office, and it was fortunately not destroyed thanks to his pathetic and worsening condition. He barged in and found Erwin and Hange there, both looking gloomy. They were also both silent.

"It's (L/N)!" Levi said, showing the note to them which was handed to him by Nifa. "She went out to find the antidote! We must go there, too - "

The Captain suddenly stopped talking as he noticed the look of complete apathy in their faces. It's as if they already know what happened to (F/N), and they don't even care whether she gets back or not.

"Please, stay calm, Levi." said Hange in an uncharacteristic monotone.

"You're telling me to stay calm?" Levi said, wanting so much to shake the scientist violently. "How about you, two? Why are you so calm?"

Erwin turned to look at him, showing him his bloodshot eyes. This pretty much unnerved Levi, since it was the first time he saw him looking like that.

"We must put our trust in her." he simply said to Levi. "She'll heal you, of that I'am certain."

"She'll heal me?! What if those men kill her? We don't even know where she went!"

"We do." Hange said.

Levi looked at Hange, strode towards her, then grabbed her by the collar. "You knew, and you're not doing anything?!"

Hange suddenly looked at him with such cold eyes. She grabbed Levi's collar and pushed him forcefully away. He landed on the floor right in front of her, his back complaining with the sudden pain.

"You sound very much like you care for her, Levi." she said to him. "When, in fact, you don't."

Levi's eyes grew wide upon realizing that they're still not aware of what he did to (F/N) last night. "No! I - "

"You shouldn't be acting like that. Go back to your office and forget everything that happened. Carry on, as usual."

"What the fuck?! You expect me to go back there without doing anything? That girl would be killed because of me!"

Levi stared at the two and he immediately felt that he was only looking at a pair of statues and not his friends. 

How could they be so cold? They like (F/N), right?

"Levi, that girl died many times before." Hange said and looked at him with her apathetic face. "If you're saying she'll get killed because of you, you're wrong. She already died many times, because of you."

Levi couldn't deny the fact that he was really awful to the girl because of very selfish reasons. He loved Petra to the point of blindness that he failed to see other people who cared for him. He loved Petra too much that he failed to see (F/N)'s efforts to care for him in his time of need. Despite him pushing her away.

He looked down, ashamed of what he was asking Erwin and Hange to do for (F/N). He had no right, whatsoever, to ask them to save her because, he, himself, had no care in the world whether (F/N)'s safe or not.

But, now, he really wanted to save her, and not just because he was guilty of what he did to her. She deserved to be saved. He knew it the moment he found out the whole truth of her miserable life, how she worked hard to be in the Legion to serve him while being bullied and trampled many times by the people around her because of the woman he once loved, but now loathed, and how she still remained loyal to him despite everything he did to her.

Heck, (F/N) had every right to condemn him, herself, to hell. She's innocent.

And now, he's not sure whether she's still alive or not.