Last chance for honour

Chapter 49

Jamie looked out across the camp, he had just left his tent. It was still early morning, the frosty dew was still clinging to the small blades of grass. He walked further and further out of the camp, until he was no longer crowded with Lannister men.

He thought of what he had told Sansa last night. He knew he had done the right thing, no matter how much he hated himself for doing it. He had promised Jon after she was safe he would leave the North.

He wished Sansa hadn't have come to him last night, it had made it harder. He knew what she had wanted him to tell her, the truth. The only real reason he had come North was because he loved her. She was all that made sense to him.

Jamie had reached the top of the sloped hill. He could see Winterfell from there, he looked back across seeing his camp. In front of the castle, men were there clearing the dead, there were still bodies everywhere.

He felt as though he should feel a guilt for their deaths, he had a part to play in it, just like all the other Lords. But no guilt rested in him, he would have killed anyone who stood in his way of saving Sansa.

He would still kill anyone who harmed her.

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Sansa started walking back from the Godswood, it was growing darker. She knew Jon would expect her at dinner, but she couldn't face them. Not today at least. She sent a guard to tell him she was tired and would join them tomorrow evening, she knew he wouldn't force her. She didn't even need to make up an excuse, she knew he would understand.

All that kept going through her head was what Jamie had said to her. She wanted to hate him, but she couldn't. She hated too many people, Jamie had done nothing compared to them. All he had done was protect her. It didn't matter if he did it for his honour, he had still protected her.

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Sansa returned to her chambers, there was only a lantern on the table as a source of light. The fire was just about to burn out, before she added some more wood to it, it gave her a little more light. She untied her cloak, lying it across the chair.

She sat at her dressing table, unbraiding her hair with her fingers letting it fall across her shoulders. She heard a shuffle behind her, she stood up sharply. She hurried to her bedside, grasping a dagger she had hid there. She turned to see Jamie standing there, he had stepped out of the shadows.

She looked at him in shock, she had never expected to see him again. "I don't think you'll be needing that" he looked down at the dagger, then back to her. She had forgotten she was still pointing the blade at him. She let out a sigh, dropping it on the table.

"What are you doing here?" Jamie hesitated for a moment before her next question. "How did you get in, surely no one would let a Lannister through the gates".

She kept her voice calm. Whatever he had to say she wasn't going to let herself become upset again. She took a seat again at her dressing table. She began brushing her hair, each stroke made the strands softer than before.

"The guards let me in, it appears we are somewhat allies now". Sansa carried on brushing her hair. "Arya showed me to your chambers, I didn't think you'd see me otherwise".

"What do you want?" She asked. "I shouldn't have let you go last night" she saw Sansa watching him in the mirror. "You were always more than honour to me, not at first perhaps..." Sansa put the brush down, standing up once more. She kept her expression plain. She interrupted him "why should I believe you? You made it quite clear last night".

Jamie's voice became rougher. "I didn't fall in love with you for honour... we don't choose who we love, everything I've done, I've done because I love you." He took a step forwards, standing closer to her.

"I've killed for you, not for honour, for you, tell me to leave if you don't want to see me, and you'll never see me again, but I needed you to know the truth." Sansa looked at Jamie, she didn't know what she had expected him to say, but the words she had heard, she had never imagined him to say to her.

"I don't want you to go, I want you to stay." She said softly, she couldn't let him go, not now.

She pulled away from him, turning away from him, before sitting at the table. She felt sick at the thought of what she had to tell him. Tears escaped her, running down her face.

Jamie pulled a chair out next to her, gripping her hands tightly in his own. "What is it?" His voice was quiet. She had forgotten what it had felt like to be so close to him, the way he made her feel safe no matter what.

"A few weeks ago..." She stumbled on her words. Jamie waited patiently. "I found out I was with child". "You're pregnant?" Jamie asked shocked. Sansa shook her head, closing her eyes to try and stop the pain she felt. Tears still managed to pour from her eyes. Jamie stopped for a moment, watching her, realising what had happened. "I'm so sorry Sansa, I can't imagine how much that was to go though alone, Ramsey was a monster, but the child was innocent-".

"-Jamie..." Sansa mustered her voice, to say his name, through her tears. She looked him in the eyes before beginning to speak.

"Maester Wolkan told me the child was at least four months... meaning I was pregnant before I left Kingslanding, meaning Ramsey wasn't the father". Sansa felt Jamie's grip of her hands loosen, before he stood up. She waited for him to say something, anything. But when he didn't she decided to continue.

"He told me it was a girl, we would have had a daughter" Her voice trailed off into her cries. "Jamie please say something" He still had his back to her. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry... it was a punishment from the Gods for leaving you I know it..." Sansa stuttered on her words.

Jamie turned around hearing those words, still remaining silent. "If I had never have left Kingslanding we would have still had our child, none of this would have happened". She couldn't stand Jamie's silence, the longer he said nothing, the more it hurt.

Jamie kneeled in front of her, gripping her arms in his hands. "No... This wasn't your fault Sansa, you can't blame yourself". "-But if I hadn't-" She began before Jamie interrupted her.

"Fuck the Gods, fuck Ramey, fuck everyone who isn't us, they don't matter, all that matters is you and me, and no one else in this world. Everything they've taken from us we're going to take back". He brought his hands up to her face, wiping her tears away, she had stopped crying now, hearing Jamie's words.

"All that matters is us, do you hear me?" Sansa nodded at his words. Perhaps Starks and Lannisters weren't meant to be together, but nothing could keep them apart.