Another you. {Austlan Cashby}

Chapter sixteen

Thanks guys for helping me out, oh wait you didn't ah. I'm kidding. n_n
Trigger warning by the way, sorry. ♡
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[Austin]

I shook his hand. Yeah. I shook his hand. "Friends?" I muttered, my heart shattering slightly. 'Slightly', only slightly. Alan looked shocked, and I could hear his uneasy breathing. "F-friends?" he stammered. I nodded. "I guess so.. I mean, come on Alan. Three years. I want you back but I can't forget what you did." I said, my voice cracking.

Alan shook his head and wiped his leaking eyes. "I-I can't. I-I need to go." he mumbled. "You can't leave! It's like 4am, where will you go?!" I yelled. He couldn't go! It's not safe. He cane back into the living room, grabbed his jacket and picked up his keys. I grabbed his wrist before he could touch the handle of the door. "No, Alan. You're not going." I said coherently. "L-let go of me!" he screamed. He was so vulnerable, so weak... Because of me?

"Alan!" I shouted. He looked terrified and he broke into tears on the ground. I stepped back, what had I done.. "P-please don't yell at me. D-don't hit me.." he whimpered. I was taken aback. Hit him? Why did he think I was going to hit him..? He shivered on the floor so I picked him up. Uneasily, I laid him down on my bed. He shuddered whenever I touched him. I helped him take of his shoes and jacket and I put the duvet on him.

The poor thing was shaking like a chihuahua. I calmed him down by cooing him, stroking his hair and singing calm songs to him. Soon, he was laying his head on my lap. I was sitting up in the bed so I had the upper hand. "Alan, are you awake?" I whispered. I felt his head move a little and noticed him nod. "Why did you think I would h-hit you?" I murmured. He was shaking a little but he threw out a couple of words; words that shocked me.

"M-my dad.." he whimpered fragilely. I felt like a weight had just been applied to my chest and all the pressure was being pushed down. I understood. That time Alan's parents were arguing... Alan got beaten. I felt awful for Alan. He really did have to leave. He had to leave his parents...

I soon heard light snores from Alan and decided he was asleep. I examined him a little. His tattoos were nice. I did get a fair share myself during university. I held his delicate hand and played with his fingers. I massaged his hand and then remembered that Alan used to.. He used to cut himself. I couldn't help but to check. I needed to.

I tried to make sure he wouldn't wake up. I needed to make sure he was blissfully unaware of my upcoming doings. Slowly and carefully, I rolled up Alan's sleeve. My mouth dropped when it revealed several cuts. But they weren't little scratches, no. Over his minimal tattoos, were huge, deep ditches. These couldn't be described as scratches, no. I could see his flesh. My heart was racing and my eyes were barely adjusting to what I was seeing.

They looked at least 2 days old. Some were scars that looked like they'd been healing for months. How could he do this to himself. I looked on his other arm too. I was honestly taken aback. 6 letters carved deeply into his pale and precious skin. Those 6 letters were nome other than 'A.. U.. S.. T.. I.. N.'

I dropped his arm lightly, but not too lightly, causing him to shuffle. I couldn't justify how I felt right now. Alan had hurt himself, because of me. He had carved my name into his own skin, because of pain? The need for pain? The relief of pain? My eyes for now wet and I wiped them, mindful of Alan. I swiftly moved from Alan's embrace and looked at him from the edge of the bed.

I looked at the beautiful boy asleep on my bed. "I'm sorry, I'll fix you. You'll always be my best friend. And I'll do anything for you.. I.. I-I love you..." I whispered to the barely lively body. Although I didn't want to get hurt again, Alan was my heart... And there's nothing I'll do to break my own heart.

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Word count: 716

*A/N: Ahhhh. Thanks for reading guys. Next chapter will hopefully be up soon. It might be up tomorrow or the day after because I want to update my Fuenciado one. Read, vote, comment! Love you, sorry today's one was sucky and sad. ☹ I hope you're all okay and I really hope that didn't trigger you. I want you all to be okay ahhh.*