Another you. {Austlan Cashby}

Chapter eight

Happy Late Valentine's Day, darlings. ♡
--------------

[Alan]

I didn't talk to Austin much today in school. Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing. I really do like him, but I've known him for a day and I feel like I'm using him. I don't want to use him. He doesn't deserve it. In class I sat with him, but didn't speak. At break he'd try to catch up with me but I'd just keep my distance. Surely I'm not hurting him. It's being a day, he can't like me that much.

[Austin]

It's hurting me. I like him that much. He's avoided me all day. He hates me. I'm an idiot. I probably annoyed him by getting into his business. At second break, after he ran away from me breaks before, I gave up. I went to the bench he was sitting at, but he got up as soon as I was 10 metres away. I couldn't take it. What had I done? As he got up, I stopped. I stopped and I just fell to my knees, in tears.

How pathetic. Crying over a boy I've known for a day. But I couldn't stop it. How was I meant to. I felt like such a wimp. "Austin!" I heard him cry from a distance. I heard his footsteps becoming closer and faster. "Austin, Austin what's wrong?" His voice whimpered, he doesn't really care, it's an act, Austin. "Just go! Stop acting like you care! You've avoided me all day and you didn't care, so why care now?!" I cried. I brought my hands to my face, wiping my eyes. I looked up, daring not to face Alan, so I didn't. I grabbed my bag from the floor and swung it over my shoulder. I wiped my face once more, leaving Alan there. "Austin... Please, let me explain.." Alan mumbled through what sounded like sobs. "Just leave it. There's nothing to explain, you hate me and I know it. Bye, Alan. I'm sorry." And on that note I walked away. There were two lessons left but I didn't care. I filed as being sick and was sent home. It was easier to resist making up with Alan. As much as I wanted him, I didn't want to burden him anymore.

--------
*Two days later*

[Alan]

Austin hasn't been in since the day we had a rough patch. It's all my fault. If only I hadn't avoided him.. But he didn't let me explain. I did it for his sake. It's his fault... Oh who am I kidding. I've tried to call him but his phone's off. I don't know his home phone number so I can't call. Yesterday was Friday. I got my usual beating but they weren't as harsh as they usually were. Maybe they were afraid that Austin would come? I sighed.

Yesterday, I returned to my only friend. My sacred piece of metal which was slowly becoming blunt. About 10 bloody lines on my thighs, and 20 on each arm. But I loved it. I missed it. I hated it. I needed it. It reminds me that I'm alive, but that I'm slowly dying. And that was a thought that pleased me.

It's 2:30pm. I miss Austin. I called him another time and it wasn't off. The ringer called, but he didn't pick up. In fact, he cut it off. I sighed and pulled at my rough hair. Screaming into my pillow. I need Austin. I need to tell him everything... Maybe I can remember where he lived. I was persistent to find him. I knew I had to. I grabbed a hoodie and slipped on a pair of black toms.

As I ran down the stairs I yelled, "Mom, I'm going to Austin's. I'll call you when I'm coming back." She replied yelling, "OK, sweetie. I'll leave you dinner." Dinner, I haven't had that in a while. Lunch? Haven't had that in a while. Breakfast? Who even has breakfast? My stomach churned but I didn't care, I deserved it. I grabbed my keys from the cabinet beside the door and left.

I head in the direction of school, remembering the route we took when coming back from his place. Sure it had only been three days, but I have the worst memory known to man. After jumbling through different road names, I recognised Austin's. I remembered the white door with two lights parallel to the vertical sides of the door. Austin's dad's car was parked outside, meaning he was home. My palms sweated at the thought that I've never met his dad. What would he think of me.

I sucked it up and opened the gate to Austin's home. I knocked the door in a slight rhythm and waited anxiously for the door to open. After half a minute or so, the door opened. The man had Austin's hair colour. His eyes were dark and his skin was fair. "Hello? How can I help?" his voice greeted.
"Hi, sir. I was wondering if Austin was home?" I asked politely. I wanted to make a good impression.
"Yeah, he's here. Are you a friend of his?" he asked and I replied with a nod. "Oh okay, he's in his room." He welcomed me in and shut the door behind me. "Would you like anything to drink?" His dad was rather nice. "No thank you, sir." I smiled at him courteously. "OK then, son. I'll be in my office right there filing some work, let me know if you two need anything." I nodded and head upstairs.

I could hear Slipknot playing in his room. Taking a deep breath, I raised my balled fist to his door. I felt my skin stretch, peeling at last night's new work. I hit the door three times, waiting for Austin to open. "Come in!" he yelled. I opened the door slowly, peeking. Austin was lying on his bed, facing away from the door so he didn't know who came in. I shut the door behind me and creeped up beside Austin, stroking his head. I missed him so much. He pulled out his earphones, starting a sentence but then stopping when he realised it was me.

"D-Did my dad let you in?" his voice trembled slightly. I nodded. "Right. What do you want?" he added sternly.
"I-I wanted to talk." I was scared. Austin seemed angry.
"Okay, go on." He said.

He didn't hug me, or kiss me. Or touch me or hold me. And I don't blame him. He didn't need me. I was disgusting.

Ways of starting this spun around in my head. I miss you, I need you, I want you. I felt tears fighting to spill over and right now, I didn't know what was going on.

[Austin]

Alan, he was right here. I missed him. I shouldn't have acted how I did that day. I did something stupid the other day, but lets not expand. All that mattered was that Alan was here. However I didn't hug him, kiss him, hold him, show him the affection I wanted to. I couldn't. We weren't together, and he hated me. What could I do? I could listen. So I did.

"Austin... Austin, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault and I take full responsibility. I'm such an idiot for avoiding you. But I did it for your sake, I swear. Look, you know I'm not in the best state at the moment, and because of that I'm scared. I'm scared of using you. You don't deserve that. I tried to stay away so I don't go back to you just for when I need you and then throw you away. But at the same time I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm scared of getting attached and then having to watch you leave. " Tears were streaming down his face and I didn't hold back from wiping them away. "But then I noticed how blind I was being. I really, really like you Austin. I know it's only been a few days since I've known you but its been months since I've wanted you. I can't afford to leave you so soon. Please forgive me, Austin." He had his face in his hands.

I pushed his chin up and wiped his tears. "I forgive you, Alan. It's okay. Just please, let me help you. I swear, you're not alone. I'll never leave you, just have faith in me. Okay?" He nodded and I waited until he was calm. I kissed his head and pulled him in for a hug. He returned the hug and we remained this way for minutes.

I felt Alan's warm breath on my skin, making me shiver. Alan let go and held me by my shoulders. His eyebrows furrowed and his voice trembled. "...A-Austin... What are those marks on your neck...?"

--------------
Word count: 1469

*A/N: Cliffhanger. Thanks for reading guys, hope you like it so far. I prefer this over my Fuenciado fanfic so I'll probably update that one slower, sorry. Nevertheless, keep reading this and voting. Thanks! I love you.*