It's Death Or Victory // A Killjoy/MCR FanFic

4 years

4 years really seems like such a long time when you say it out loud, but it feels like a second in reality.

4 years ago, a band that completely changed the music scene and influenced and entire generation (and then some) of people announced they were calling it quits, after 13 years of making history.  And 4 years later, their memory still remains iconic.

I didn't cry this year.

Actually, I didn't even feel sad.  I wore my mcr bracelet and joked around with some of my classmates about how it was the day of the emos, but I didn't mourn today.  In fact, I didn't even go out of my way to make a big deal of it.  I didn't listen to mcr, I didn't write lyrics in my arms, I didn't even wear an mcr shirt.

Time heals.

2 years ago, I cried.  I was a pretty new fan at the time, and realizing how I'd never hear new music nor see them live, that my favorite band was no more, it hit me hard.  I fell asleep crying, listening to fake your death on repeat.

1 year ago, I memorialized them.  I was filled with high hopes of a reunion and I took massive pride in decking myself head to toe in mcr gear.  You know that *emo intensifies* meme?  That was me.  I imagined I would still be doing it when I was 50.

This year, today, felt like a normal day for once.  Perhaps it was because of how busy my day was with other things: senior stuff, homework, my promposal to my boyfriend.  I was busy today.  Had I been given the chance, I would've worn my mcr merch, I just didn't have time.

But I wasn't sad today.

My Chemical Romance is and will continue to be one of my all time favorite bands, forever held close to my heart.  Mcr inspired me so much when I was down and helped give me the strength to love myself and be strong on my own again.  I connected with them in ways I haven't with most other bands.  Hell, I still write fanfiction about them as an adult.

But I think as time has gone on, I've completely come to terms with the fate of mcr.  Mcr is gone, no more.  Each of the guys are living their own lives and are happy and healthy.  I would rather see them broken up and happy than together and suffering.  The break up needed to happen, or someone was going to snap.  And today, I'm just thankful that they were smart enough to see that.

So today, instead of mourning them, I celebrated them.  How?  By being happy.  They reminded me to keep going and to be myself and live who I am.  So that's what I did today.  I thanked them by using what they had taught me to live my life and enjoy my day.

Sure, there are days when I wish I could see them live.  And sure, there are days when I hope beyond anything that they will get back together.  But altogether, I'm happy with where I'm at.  It is what it is, and that's what the guys want us to get.  The breakup happened.  It sucked, but it's over now.  By all means, we should continue to love what they did and honor their memory, but we also need to let go, let it live on with us instead of still trying to push it on them.

Mcr carried the torch, the light in the darkness.  But when they broke up, that torch didn't go out, the light didn't disappear.  It was passed to us.  We carry the torch now, we are the light.  As Gerard said, mcr lives on inside us all.  It can never die.

So from here on out, I've sworn to myself that instead of mourning them, missing them, wishing they'd come back, I've promised to pick up that torch and be a light in their place.  I've promised to live my life and carry on without them because that's what they wanted for us.  That's what Gerard meant when he said mcr was an idea.  It's not just a band.  It never was.  It was a feeling, a movement, a purpose.  That's what the idea is.  And that's what I carry on; their memory, that idea, the one we can't name, we just feel inside us all. 

If we continue to do that, then truly, mcr can never die.

So stay strong Killjoys and carry on

My Chemical Romance
From Bullets to Conventional Weapons
2001 - 2013