It's Death Or Victory // A Killjoy/MCR FanFic

March 22, 2013

Well we all know what day it is

It's the day all the emos cry

It's the day that a band became an idea

The day the music died

The day My Chemical Romance broke up in a single paragraph on their website

Three years ago.

Today.

It didn't hurt as bad this time around.  But I mean, I guess time heals.

I'm a newer fan I guess.  Post break up.  I became an fan of Mcr about a year as two months ago. I had known about them prior, and go figure, I knew WTTBP and teenagers.  But I wasnt a full-fledged fan until last year.

I had heard about the breakup before, but it was before I was a fan.  So when I became a fan last year, I didn't realize that THIS was the band everyone freaked about.  Not until the anniversary came around of course.

And unfortunately I was one of the fans that searched for every possible hint of reunion.  I was a part of the March 15 freak out last year.  You know, the one where the next morning Frank tweeted "no my dear that chapter is done."  Yeah.

That was traumatic for a new fan.

And on the anniversary last year, I found myself crying.  I was still a new fan too.  I didn't understand what made me so upset.  They were gone.  Tere was nothing i could do about it.  Hell, in the words of many pre break up fans, I had no reason/right to be sad.  I hadn't known them when they were together.  I had nothing to miss.

Wrong.

I missed more than most pre break up fans.

I never got to anticipate new music

I never got to watch new music videos

I never got to laugh at new interviews

I never got to preorder an album and jump up and down when it came in the mail.

I never got to see them live.

I WILL NEVER GET TO DO ANY OF THESE THINGS

And that hurts.

Because with all these other bands, I'm apart of it, I'm there.  I see this happening.  I'm enjoying it.  And one day, they will break up and it will be over, but I WAS THERE.  I have those memories.

With MCR, I don't.  I won't.

The fact that I can't see them live hurts the most.  For me, seeing a band live is the ultimate and best experience ever.  There is nothing like seeing the band in front of you, seeing their smiles as you scream the lyrics back at them, surrounded by hundreds of people who feel the same way, they fans.

I can't tell you how many times I've imagined going to an MCR show.  And it just makes me sad.  Because I wont get that experience.

But in the end, that's okay.

It hurt.  Last year, I was in tears when that realization hit.  But now, I'm okay.  MCR means a lot to me, and I think they always will.  But I've made peace with it.  The guys are better, HAPPY.  We all know they weren't in the greatest of places before.  Gerard was sinking again.  It would hurt worse to find out that gerard had done something, something horrible, than it hurts knowing the bad is gone.

Because the guys are still here.  They are still alive and happy and that means more than MCR ever could to me.  I would rather MCR break up in this way than to have them breakup because one of the members committed suicide.

That would destroy me.

It would destroy all of us.

I did pay my tribute to them today, however.  I wore my MCR shirt that says "so long and goodnight 2001-2013" and my MCR cardigan.  I listened to MCR all day.  I wrote lyrics on my wrist.

But there were no tears this year.

And I guess I'm happy for that.

You know, I was beyond happy to see gerard tweeting about today.  The fact that he felt that he could do that without setting off a bomb means that we are finally moving on. It's upset me so much that the guys are afraid to say something MCR related because of us.  Gerard finally did.  And we were okay.

Deep down, I still wish for a reunion.  Most of us do.  But I will be okay if it doesn't happen.

To those of you still holding onto hope, I want to tell you what my mom said.

Now, my mom is in her fifties.  She has been a concert junkie since her twenties.  She went to Grateful Dead and Aerosmith and Def Leppard shows.  She loves concerts.  She's been to hundreds of them.  She knows the ups and downs of everything. (Let me tell you, she is the best concert buddie ever I stgee.  She befriends security a lot because she used to do security for shows which has allowed me access to the band members a few times ;D)

After her and I went to a 3 Doors Down show several months ago, I told her EVERYTHJNG about MCR and their breakup. You know what she said?

"Give it a good five years or so and they'll tour again."

I said no, that they swore they won't. She said "yeah they will. Every band does eventually, especially i they ended on good terms with eachother."

I said j doubt it and she said "look at Garth brooks.  He swore up and down ten years ago that he was never making music again.  And now he's touring and selling out stadiums.  It took him ten years. But you know what? Reunion tours bring in the crowds and the money."

She also told me that since they ended in good terms, it's likely that they'll miss it too much.  She Sai once they are in a stable enough position in terms of their mentality, they'll probably tour again.  Not right away, but she said she can nearly guarantee it.

It give me hope.  All the greatest bands do reunion tours at some point and I hope MCR is no exception.  But in the mean time, I am thankful that it happened.  I have their music, and their solo careers.

So stay strong.

It's what they would want.

So long and goodnight

2001-2013