Who Am I?

Chapter Eighteen:

OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEFORE THE UPDATE, I just want to say that I am dedicating this chapter to @someone71613 for constantly commenting and asking me to update. Sometimes I get really discouraged from writing but comments like those really help me and make me excited to write. So thank you so much. <3

The second announcement. If anyone wants to make a trailer for this book, that would be awesome. Message me and let me know if you're interested.

The third announcement. This chapter is kind of short, I know, and I apologize for that. However, there is going to be something big coming up in the next chapter that I hope to post by the end of this week. I'm sorry for not posting in a while, I just haven't been so motivated to write. Please keep commenting and voting for each chapter. Also, let your friends know about this book!

Thank you all so much. Here is the update!

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Jake: What do you mean?

Allie: I feel like you and her are getting really close lately and I told you that I don’t like her.

Jake: I can be friends with whoever I want.

Allie: I know it’s just that, it’s not even like a friend thing. Like I’m not trying to be all controlling and not trust you and stuff. I got a naked Snapchat from Bionca and then she said that it was from the wrong person. Idk maybe im just being paranoid.

Jake: Calm down. I would never cheat on you.

Allie: Okay. Love you.

Jake: Yeah.

Ugh. Seriously. What is his deal? He’s being such an asshole. Like I get that he’s sick, but still.

“Allie!” my mom yells from down the hall.

“Yes mom?”

“Do you wanna hang out with me a little tonight?” she asks, appearing in my doorway.

“I do, but I have a lot of work to do. I’m really stressed right now.”

“Okay. Do you need help with anything? What do you have for homework?”

“I have to start my English paper. Well actually, I have to finish it. It’s due tomorrow. “

“Well show me what you have so far.” she says, sitting down next to me on my bed.

“Mom, I haven’t even started the paper.”

“Allie, you’re telling me that you have a paper due for English class tomorrow and it’s now 9:30?!”

“Yes mom. I’m sorry. I’ve been really overwhelmed.”

“What other homework do you have?”

“Well I have to correct my entire math test that I failed, and I have to write a paragraph for history. I think that’s all.”

“You better get moving because you are gonna be really in trouble if you can’t get that all done.”

“I know mom, I know.” I say, touching the cuts on my arm that are now hiding under my sleeve. I wince at the pain, and hope that she doesn’t notice the pain I just caused myself, for the second time tonight.

“Do you have math and history tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, why don’t you do those first, since they’ll be faster…and when you’re done with that part of your homework, call me and I can try and help you with your English paper.”

“Okay.”

“What is the English paper on?”

“Hamlet.” I blankly state.  

“Oy, that’s a tough one. I’ll do my best but I really want you to work hard to get the other stuff done by ten.”

“Okay mom, thanks.”

As soon as she leaves the room, I grab my math test from my backpack and begin correcting problems. I just don’t get this stuff. Half the stuff we learn in math, we will never even have to use in life. So why learn it?

Fifteen minutes later I have given up on math and move on to history. We have to write an opinionated paragraph about why we think that nationalism could be dangerous. Fine. I’m good at writing stuff like this.

10:00 and I’m done with the homework I told my mom I would finish.

“MOM!” I yell.

“Are you ready?” she asks, appearing at the threshold of my door.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, let me see the prompt. Why don’t you get out all your notes and the text while I read the directions for the paper.” She says, pulling a chair over to my desk.

“Okay.” I say, following her directions.

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s 2:45 in the morning and I’m pretty sure that it’s not even worth it for me to try to go to sleep. I’ll just keep working on this paper. My mom and I got in a huge fight at around 12 am and ever since then I’ve been writing this paper on my own. I have so much trouble understanding the material. I hate Shakespearean language. It’s too complicated and fancy. On top of that, I have so much trouble getting my thoughts into words. I can put my thoughts into words without a problem when I’m writing creatively, but as soon as it’s a formal essay, I just can’t.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I guess I fell asleep because I woke up to my alarm clock going off.

I roll out of bed and throw on a sweatshirt and my school shirt. I run the brush through my hair once or twice, not even bothering to look in the mirror. Actually wait, that’s not smart. I barely slept last night and there are probably huge circles under my eyes. I quickly apply my makeup and run downstairs, throwing an apple and bag of chips into a lunch bag. Whatever, I’ll have to survive off of that for the day.

Once in the car, all my thoughts my interactions with Jake from the night before flood into my head. I think I’m just going to ignore him today. His reaction to me cutting was so insensitive, and then the whole thing with Bionca was just so weird. Then it hits me that I have a show tonight. Fuck. This is actually the worst day. I can’t deal with life anymore.

“Um, Allie, we are at school.” my dad says with a worried look on his face.

“Oh, right.” I say, grabbing my backpack.

“Are you okay?” he asks, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.” I say, totally lying. Just tired of the bullshit involved in this hell hole called life. Ha. There, I made a funny.

“Okay, have a good day!” he says as I get out of the car.

“You too Dad.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Allie.” Jake says, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I continue to take books out of my backpack and put them into my locker, swapping them with the books I need for the classes after lunch.

I just pretend like he isn’t there. Because last night when I needed him most, he wasn’t there. Something tells me he isn’t gonna be there for me anymore. Something tells me this fairytale of my first boyfriend is going to end soon. I just don’t want that nightmare to become reality.

“Allie, please.” Jake says again.

“What do you want?” I say with attitude dripping from my voice.

“I want to talk to you.” Jake says, placing his hands on both of my shoulders.

“Oh, well I don’t want to talk to you. Not after the way you treated me last night.”

“I only said that because I know that’s the only way to get you to stop.”

“No, it’s not. I need love, not more threats like my parents do to me.” I say, tearing myself from his grip. I turn the corner and just keep walking to the lunch room.